I feel old reading Longitude line-up – and I’m only 33

Not recognising any of the Longitude line-up is like spotting the first grey hair – you don’t want to admit it, but you are getting older. No one likes getting old and no one likes not being in the know, but time waits for no one.

The Longitude 2024 list of acts was announced yesterday and will take place in Dublin’s Marlay Park on June 29 and 30.

If you are like me, you have entered the age profile (33) where you don’t recognise any of the acts at this year’s Longitude festival.

The days when bands such as The Kooks, Arctic Monkeys and The Fratellis were a staple of the festival circuit are long gone but you can find yourself in that awful limbo where you know at least some of the artists.

I raced through the line-up and scanned the names. Central Cee... who’s he? D.O.D., NewEra... who are these people?

I looked up Mr Cee’s Instagram and discovered he has a following of 10.9 million people (over twice the population of Ireland).

Soon I saw a familiar name – Doja Cat. Relief washed over me. I know her song Paint the Town Red, but I was then brought firmly back to terra firma when I realised I don’t know any of her other songs.

Why is music such a good indicator of age? And how long does a music genre stay popular?

Between the ages of 14 and 16 your music choice is effectively cemented.

Longitude organisers clearly have the late teens and early 20s fans in mind, with the website stating: “Under-16s attending the event must be accompanied at all times by an adult.”

Music genres tend to stay popular for cycles of 10-15 years.

This offers an interesting explanation as to why if you are 15 or so years out from your 16th birthday the music you identify with has dropped out of popular circulation.

I remember cranking up 50 Cent’s

Disco Inferno in the car at the age of 15 to my mum’s horror.

I couldn’t understand why she didn’t like it, but now I feel an acute sense of camaraderie with her. She was feeling what I now feel.

To all of you old fogeys out there, I tell you this: you may operate under the misconception that your younger years were the best of times.

This is precisely because of novelty. Everything was new, which is positively associated in the mind.

As we get older, there are fewer new experiences, so there is less stimulation.

Think of how engaging your first festival was, when there was so much to process.

However, contrary to popular opinion, a European Commission study of 460,000 participants from across Europe found people were at their happiest when they reached the age of 70.

Finally, I offer you one last small consolation that you were in fact “musically” young once.

If you feel “out of the loop” or not “down with the kids”, here is a parting gift: the 16-year-olds attending this year’s Longitude will feel exactly the same discomfort in May 2039.