Baby Reindeer: ‘It’s so rare to see a show deal with male sexual abuse with such raw honesty’

Netflix series are, for the most part, enjoyable but forgettable. You can binge a thriller in one sitting with a glass of wine, and forget every detail about it a week later. But the current number one TV programme in Ireland on the streaming site is one that is extremely hard to shake.

Baby Reindeer is already a surefire entry on the critics’ end-ofyear lists thanks to its devastating mix of comedy, drama, frustration, distress and fear. The miniseries, starring and written by Scottish comedian Richard Gadd, centres around a barman and aspiring comic named Donny Dunn who is stalked by a patron. A tough enough premise, but what really makes Baby Reindeer so uncomfortable to watch is that it’s a true story.

Gadd may have fictionalised his character as Donny but in real life, he was also a struggling comic and a barman who was stalked for four years by a woman. During this ordeal, the woman sent Gadd over 40,000 emails, 350 hours of voicemails, 106 pages of letters, and gifts including boxer shorts and sleeping pills.

In the show, the stalker is Martha Scott (played by Jessica Gunning), who becomes obsessed with Donny after he gives her a free cup of tea at the pub. Although Donny initially feels sorry for Martha and thinks it’s just a crush gone too far, it turns out Martha has form, and turns his life into a living hell. She turns up at his shows, she follows him home, and she eventually turns on his family and girlfriend.

Stalking, particularly women stalking men, is often played for jokes; the crazy ex-girlfriend trope or the old ball and chain; or it veers into Fatal Attraction bunny boiler territory. But in Baby Reindeer, its complexity is laid bare.

Martha — phenomenally and tactfully played by Gunning — is clearly mentally ill, which doesn’t excuse her campaign of terror but explains its roots. Meanwhile, Donny also muddies the waters at points. He makes inappropriate jokes that make Martha think their relationship is real; he interferes in the police investigation; he admits to masturbating to a picture of Martha. He admits that sometimes, having a stalker flatters him. Martha sees him as the successful, attractive comedian he wants to be, and sometimes that’s nice.

That’s what makes Baby Reindeer so breathtaking. Gadd isn’t afraid to make himself look less than gleaming. Donny isn’t always likeable, particularly in scenes where he hides the fact that he’s in love with a trans woman (played by Nava Mau).

But we learn why Donny acts like this in one of the most devastating episodes of television we’ve seen in a long time. A horrific experience of rape, grooming and sexual abuse at the hands of an influential man in the industry not only did untold damage to Donny/Gadd’s well-being and confidence, but left him confused about his sexuality. Was he always bisexual or is it just because he was abused by a man?

Shiny and happy

We very rarely see men’s issues around abuse, stalking and bisexuality explored so unflinchingly as we do in Baby Reindeer. We thankfully have more and more queer stories nowadays, but male bisexuality — particularly from the point of view of a man in an extremely heteronormative space — is widely ignored, or sanitised, or made all shiny and happy.

We have happier bisexual representation in shows like Sex Education and Heartbreaker, but these conflicted portrayals are also needed.

Equally as important is Gadd’s brutal retelling of his experience of abuse. It reminds me of the rawness of Michaela Coel’s incredible I May Destroy You, where the ongoing repercussions of assault permeate through the main character’s every action.

Gadd, who originally wrote Baby Reindeer as an Edinburgh Fringe show, isn’t afraid to show the reality of how abuse, conflict over sexuality, trauma and stalking can affect somebody, and isn’t afraid to make us feel sorry for the villain of the story, Martha, at times either.

There’s no sugarcoating it — Baby Reindeer is not always enjoyable. The themes are extremely difficult, and our ‘hero’ isn’t always squeaky clean. But neither were our protagonists in shows like I May Destroy You and Fleabag, series I think that this show matches up to in its unique honesty.

It may not be a show that gives you the warm and fuzzies at the end, but it is an important one that will stay with you for a long, long time.

All seven episodes of ‘Baby Reindeer’ are now streaming on Netflix