Suki Waterhouse’s ‘real’ post-partum body pic is far from empowering

As the kids are fond of saying, if you know, you know. New motherhood can mean stitches where the sun don’t shine, a worrying sort of bleeding from the same area, maternity knickers/nappies, cracked nipples, prolapses, stretch marks, puffy face from excessive crying and, if you’re really unlucky, haemorrhoids.

To say nothing of what’s going on internally: a culture shock akin to arriving home to find your whole house underwater. The stone-cold terror of having to keep a tiny baby alive. Sleeplessness. Figuring out the timbre of three different types of baby cry. That’s before you even cock a glance at your lovely pre-baby freedoms, now with O’Leary in the grave.

Suki Waterhouse, a new mum who is proud of her new body, looks like most regular non-mums after a week on a very nice all-inclusive cruise. Her hair is artfully mussed, her make-up-free face is wonderfully glowy, but she is wearing big knickers, a grey bra and a boyfriend cardigan on Instagram. If you weren’t aware of the circumstances, it could still pass for stylish.

But no, Waterhouse, who has just given birth to her daughter, is posting the (heavy air quotes here) ‘real’ and ‘candid’ photo of herself. Vogue magazine lapped up the messaging, describing it as “refreshing”. “I’m proud of everything my body has achieved,” Waterhouse has posted on Instagram, as though this is an entirely new concept to new parents. “The fourth trimester has been humbling.” I appreciate that to see a small swell where usually you might find washboard abs can be a bit of a jolt but… really?

Waterhouse is not alone in her desire to bring this new-found humility to several million social media followers. Katy Perry also decided that real was the new red carpet, and posted an Instagram picture of herself in her Medela breast pump bra, Bridget Jones knickers and post-partum tummy, mere days after welcoming her daughter Daisy Dove. Jessie J posted a picture captioned: “Just a little sixweek post-partum self-love”, looking fitter than most women who haven’t darkened the door of a maternity hospital. Lindsay Lohan also popped up a ‘fourth trimester’ pic, looking beautiful in the requisite big knickers.

But boy-short underwear does not a ‘real’ snapshot of new motherhood make. And sadly, most of these new mums are simply swapping out one aspirational bodily ideal for another; another version of womanhood that is going to make the humans feel a bit inadequate. Their message is unanimous: “This is what real bodies look like once you’ve had a kid. I’m loving all this realness.” Or rather, “Yes, I am no longer a Size Zero. Nothing to see here. Let’s all move along.” They are, let’s face it, beating the body-shamers to the punch.

The problem with these ostensibly ‘empowered’ pics is that they are doing the exact opposite of what the celebrities think it is; they are bringing the conversation back to women’s bodies yet again. They are centring any commentary about the brilliance and craziness of motherhood around the corporeal. Good or bad, they invite people to have yet more conversations about women’s bodies at a time when we are trying our best to move away from all of that.

Sure, it may be a positive conversation, and one in which it’s acknowledged that not all post-partum bodies bounce back to its sample size glory before the umbilical cord is even cut. But I am personally sick of having to talk about women purely in relation to their physical appearance.

I’ll never forget the day I first came home after having my daughter, and took a look in the mirror. It was, no exaggeration, like finding oneself in an 1980s body-swap movie. It is the most disconcerting and weird feeling. Despite my euphoria, not knowing my own body was upsetting. Empowerment was a long way down on my list of emotions. What’s more, getting the lighting just right, getting into clothes without baby sick on them and taking a photo to commemorate the whole mad scenario was the last thing on my mind.