Don’t copy Barbra Streisand — here’s how to give a great compliment

Barbra Streisand found herself in a maelstrom of social media discourse last week. The Oscar winner was on Instagram and saw a photo of her pal Melissa McCarthy, attending a swanky event in Los Angeles, with director Adam Shankman.

Barbra commented under the post, “Give him my regards, did you take Ozempic?”, referring to the weight loss drug that has been the talk of Hollywood for some time.

The post was swiftly deleted but we live in a digital world where anything celebrities post, no matter how fleetingly, will instantly be screen-grabbed, circulated and be there in the digital ether to haunt them for eternity.

Some were amused, others were aghast, and admonished Streisand. Didn’t she know that asking about the weight loss drug is never OK?

A few hours later Streisand stated that she was unaware everyone could see her post, and that it had been intended as a compliment.

Accidentally posting is totally understandable. Is there a soul amongst us who hasn’t died of acute embarrassment after sending something intended for one person into the group chat? Shudders.

Plus, let’s not forget Streisand is 82 — far from a generation who grew up with social media.

Melissa McCarthy shared a post titled ‘Barbra Streisand fan club only’. “The takeaway,” she said. “Barbra Streisand knows I exist, she reached out to me and she thought I looked good. I win the day.”

The exchange raised a lot of debate about what substitutes a ‘good’ and a ‘bad’ compliment.

I’ll admit it can be a bit of a minefield and many people feel reluctant to give them for fear of causing offence.

And that’s a shame because over the years, there have been numerous studies on the psychological benefits comyou pliments have on us — both receiving and giving them.

Unexpected compliments boost our mood and encourage us to be more appreciative of ourselves and others. Giving them also makes us feel good and enhances our interpersonal skills.

There are YouTube and TikTok videos with millions of views where people with megaphones give ‘drive by compliments’ and shout at strangers “Your hair reminds me of a sunset” or “You look like you regularly phone your mother”. It’s a hit of pure dopamine.

In a recent interview with Time magazine, Vanessa Bohns, a social psychologist and professor of organisational behaviour at Cornell University, said compliments make us feel valued and respected in society.

The article recommended practising compliments on your pets so that you deliver them with total confidence — thus making them more impactful.

Although, obviously I think you’d need to adapt them — you don’t want to thank a stranger for not drooling all over a throw cushion, or repeatedly ask an adult man if they are ‘the best boy’.

Also, studies have shown that the more compliments you give, the more get back, which is a good incentive to be liberal in their usage.

Here are some other tips to improve your confidence when complimenting:

• Don’t make it about you. Instead of saying “I think that mullet looks great on you,” say, “Your mullet is a thing of wonder!”. The former makes the compliment sound subjective, the latter makes it seem like an universally accepted truth — much more impressive.

• If you are complimenting a stranger, be sincere and keep things short and snappy.

• Avoid platitudes. A man once told me that the boots I was wearing were the ‘Rolls Royce of the shoe world’. A solid 10/10 for inventiveness.

• Become your own hype man and compliment yourself. It feels great, and will make you more self assured when praising others.

• Personally, I would avoid referencing size. It’s stating the bleedin’ obvious, but the recipient could have insecurities when it comes to their body. Unless they bring it up, consider it out of bounds.

• Always compliment accessories. No one has ever gotten offended because someone told them they had nice cufflinks on. Earrings, capes, a bejewelled staff — all fair game.

• Say thank you. Many of us have the impulse to automatically dismiss or downplay compliments. This was parodied in the TV series Inside Amy Schumer. (“Nice dress? I paid two dollars for it. It’s probably made out of Burger King crowns.”) But be warned, disregarding compliments can make people less likely to give them in the future. No modesty here please.

• And finally, as Melissa McCarthy shows, it doesn’t really matter what other people think. If you find a compliment flattering, it is a win for you, so take it.

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