‘If the services were there for my husband at the time, he might still be alive today’

How Darkness Into Light helps one woman cope

Sharon Murphy lost her husband, Dave, to suicide in 2004 when he was just 36. It was a time when conversations around mental health were much more likely to be spoken “in a whisper”.

The mother of three from Kildare has since become one of the organisers for Darkness Into Light at Naas Racecourse, an event she describes as “a comfort blanket” that has become a moment she “wouldn’t swap for anything”.

Ms Murphy (52) said that first walk in aid of Pieta House in the Phoenix Park in 2009 was deeply meaningful.

“I still get shivers when I think about it because Dave had passed away five years ago at that stage and it always felt like a bit of a taboo with all the questions and the whys and wherefores,” she said.

“You have people around you and just feeling that stillness. I call it my comfort blanket. Every year, as much as I love organising it and all the rest, I love being there because it’s that moment in the middle of the night when the sun is coming up and there’s a new day.

“It means a lot to me, because I just think if the services of Pieta House were there for Dave when he was going through his difficulty, he might still be here today. That’s why I’m so passionate about it.”

Ms Murphy said there is no question that Pieta House saves lives through its services and through raising awareness of mental health and breaking down barriers that have only begun to be breached in the last two decades.

“The more people that know about it and the more people that know you can just pick up the phone and speak to a qualified therapist on the phone, the better,” she said. “They’re not just a call centre or someone who doesn’t understand. They understand where someone is at and the severity of where they’re at, which is invaluable at that moment in time when someone is in crisis.

“Dave didn’t have that. He didn’t have anywhere to ring, but it saves lives – there’s no question it saves lives if people know about the service and that they can pick up the phone.

“There’s no time limit, because there’s no time limit on when you’re going to feel the way you’re going to feel and you make that choice. If that choice is to pick up the phone or take your own life and you pick up the phone? It’s invaluable.

“If someone is on the edge and you can bring them back, that’s so important.

“If someone says to you, ‘I’m not feeling good’, you can point them in the right direction. You can send them somewhere. People know the signs and have that awareness.

“People are definitely more open about speaking about suicide. There’s no question about it. And myself, I was never really shy about talking about it, even after Dave died.

“My children were very small at the time, five, seven and nine. I remember someone told me, ‘Don’t tell them what happened’ and there was absolutely no way I was going to lie to my three children, because at some point everybody in the community knew.

“That was the mentality. ‘Hide it, put it in a box, don’t tell them’. And it was a hard conversation, don’t get me wrong, but to them at that time it wouldn’t have mattered as far as they were concerned – their daddy was gone and it didn’t really matter how he was gone – he was gone.”

Darkness Into Light is meaningful and raises essential funds for the charity.

Ms Murphy said: “I don’t see many tears on the night – in a good way. Everybody around you understands what we’re doing here, what the purpose is, and it’s not really a sad event. It’s a very uplifting event.

“You get to talk about loved ones, how much you miss them and what they would do and if they’d think I’d be mad up at this hour of the night. Walking in the middle of the night, the conversations are very different.

“There has always been that stillness at that hour. Even if it’s raining, it’s still very still and calm just as the sun comes up. It comes up over the hill on the far side of the racecourse and you see the dew on the grass.

“It’s very special. I get my quiet time and go around when everybody has gone. There’s about halfanhour of quiet time on the racecourse, and that’s where I have my little moment with Dave every year. It’s very special. I wouldn’t swap it for anything.”

“People are more open about speaking about suicide. I was never shy about talking about it – even after Dave died”

Darkness Into Light takes place tomorrow at 4.15am in locations across the country. To register for an event or find out how you can offer support, visit darknessintolight.ie