My new partner is blessed in the size department and sex can be painful. Could my vagina be permanently damaged?
AIf we went by the representation in porn, the goal for penises is to be as big as possible. However, in reality, this can be very uncomfortable for those on the other action.nd end of the The average penis size in the UK and Ireland is around five inches, and the type of penis that we see in porn is rarer than we think. Some people love a larger penis (these folks are often called size queens), but it doesn’t work for everyone, as you are discovering. Some prefer smaller, some don’t have a preference.
Most nerve endings in the vagina are at the entrance, so the vast majority of penises will fit most vaginas comfortably. A combination of technique, communication, and a willingness to please each other are more important than size for many people. It just takes a bit of extra work that isn’t shown on screen, but this goes for all real-life sexual interactions — we have to figure out how our bodies interact together.
Firstly, lube is fantastic, but stay away from the synthetic, cherry-flavoured lube! As well as not tasting great, it is not healthy for your vagina. Far too many have glycerine, which is a form of sugar. Sugar and vaginas do not mix, unless you want to upset your pH balance and experience thrush, which, let’s face it, is no fun at all.
The kind of lubes people of all genders should stick to are natural products with few ingredients and that are labelled as body safe, such as Hanx, Yes Organics, or Uberlube. Lube is great for all and doesn’t have to be reserved for an issue. Think you have enough lube? Add some more. This will not only feel really good and make penetration easier, but it will help protect you from tears. You’re there to have fun, not to be injured, so lube can help avoid that happening.
I’m glad to hear he is good at different sexual activities other than penetration. These will help get you more warmed up, and the more turned on we are, the more the vagina self-lubricates and stretches, which makes accommodating a large object more comfortable.
Perhaps this needs to happen for a longer period of time, or in a different way. Try some different positions, as this will make a difference to your comfort levels and how deep he can go. Having your legs open or closed can also make a huge difference, and try out some positions where you can control the depth of penetration and the pace.
Your cervix may be being hit in some positions and this can be sore, so experiment and find what works for you, as the cervix isn’t in the same position for everyone (some may be tilted).
There is also a nifty toy called an Ohnut that goes around the penis and means it cannot penetrate as deeply, and some users say that this has really helped with comfort levels. It looks like a stack of doughnuts, in a range of colours, so you add a little fun to proceedings. You can customise the lengths, which is great as you can switch things up if you feel like it. These can be bought in Ireland at sexsiopa.ie and they arrive in an unmarked envelope.
Tears are something to keep an eye on as you don’t want to get infections or be uncomfortable. There is delicate tissue around our genitals and being sore is one thing, but tearing the skin is another. The vagina stretches for penetration but doesn’t stay that way as it goes back to its normal state after sex. It’s a misogynist myth that too much sex or sex with a large penis will permanently stretch the vagina and make it loose. Penises don’t shrink because of too much sex; vaginas are the same. Vaginas come in all shapes and sizes but the average depth of one is between three to seven inches.
If all else fails, remember that penetration is not the only sexual activity we can enjoy. I dislike the word foreplay as it implies that this is all done before the ‘main event’ of penetration. Sex can take whatever shape you want and, for some people, that doesn’t include penetration.
Foreplay also implies that sex has a set direction — oral, hands, then penetration. We can mix it up and go back and forth, and this can actually increase pleasure, delay ejaculation, explore new sensations, and offer opportunities for everyone to feel stimulated and satisfied.
He is hardly new to this situation so listen to how he has dealt with this before and what his hacks are. He’s the one living with this so needs to take responsibility for making sex comfortable.
Time, lube and angles are your friends here, and will help with comfort levels. Take it at your pace and enjoy the exploration on your terms.