Sarah Jessica Parker doesn’t like being thin – here’s why it’s so tough to hear that

Though it remains the ultimate compliment for most women, calling someone ‘skinny’ could trigger their deepest insecurities. Helen Coffey argues that it’s time to axe the weight chat altogether

‘You’re looking really trim — have you lost weight?” I overheard a woman saying this to her friend this week as they greeted one another at a cafe. It’s a comment I’ve heard women make hundreds, if not thousands, of times; a comment I myself have made and received hundreds, if not thousands, of times. For as long as I can remember, it’s been the unspoken benchmark when it comes to compliments. Want a woman to feel really good about herself? Forget telling her that her new haircut is sensational, or that you love her shoes, or even that she’s beautiful. Instead, tell her that she looks that most coveted of prizes: thin.

People rarely use the word itself — a thinly veiled insult that likely suggests someone looks ill, the same way that saying someone looks “tired” means they resemble human garbage — trading it instead for its more socially acceptable siblings. Trim, slim, slender, lean, svelte, willowy: we all know what they really mean underneath.

I’ve heard this form of praise so frequently, in fact, that I would normally scarcely notice it being uttered by strangers in a public setting. But it’s not always the flattering trophy of womanhood we think it is, as Sarah Jessica Parker’s recent comments on her body have proven.

“A lot of people have… their cross to bear,” Parker told beauty expert Caroline Hirons on her podcast, Glad We Had This Chat. “I don’t like being thin. And if you met my siblings, it’s the same genetic make-up, and I don’t particularly think or celebrate being thin. I would prefer to have weight but that’s just the way my body works.”

She went on to say that it was “honestly hard to keep weight on” while playing opposite her husband, Matthew Broderick, in the two-man show, Plaza Suite. The production, which ran in London’s West End from January to April this year, was “so physical”, according to Parker, it was nigh-on impossible to hang onto the pounds.

After hearing Parker’s unexpectedly countercultural revelations, I couldn’t help but wonder: why is it that, in the year 2024, we are still framing taking up less physical space as one of life’s greatest accomplishments? And why is it so challenging to hear a woman say she honestly has no desire to be thin?

The Sex and the City actor has always been known for her petite size and stature. Even before she rose to global fame via her portrayal of Carrie in the HBO show, she’d already had parts in a number of major Hollywood movies. The one in which I first encountered her was the brilliant The First Wives Club, a 1996 cult classic starring Bette Midler, Goldie Hawn and Diane Keaton. The whole thing is riotously good fun — the trio form a club to get back at their no-good ex-husbands who’ve left them for younger models, with an objectively gorgeous SJP playing one of the sexy side pieces. I still remember her waves of blonde hair atop an enviably tiny frame wrapped in skintight dresses — and I still remember how her diminutive size was used as a recurring punchline throughout the film.

“Shelly — look at you. My, my, the bulimia certainly has paid off,” Midler’s character, Brenda, says to her when they run into one another at a department store.

“Where’s Shell?” she later asks her ex-husband.

“She’s in the car.”

“Glove compartment?”

It never occurred to me that Parker might feel sensitive about such comments; it never occurred to me that her size 6 body, a body I knew I’d never, ever be in possession of, could be seen as anything other than perfection. This assumption continued through six seasons of SATC, during which she wore all manner of figure-hugging designer frocks, crop tops, hotpants and, notably, a bejewelled knickers and heels combo during a fashion show. Her latest comments have shown how fickle that assumption was.

She’s not the only celebrity to reveal that being thin might not necessarily be the dream it’s purported to be. In 2013, Kendall Jenner told Harper’s Bazaar Arabia: “I’m trying to gain weight but my body won’t let it happen. What people don’t understand is that calling someone too skinny is the same as calling someone too fat. It’s not a nice feeling.”

I was genuinely shocked to read those words; my first thought was that she must be lying. “Yeah, yeah,” I said to myself. As if anyone could want to put weight on! It is perhaps indicative of growing up submerged in a culture that, until very recently, celebrated thinness as the only real form of beauty to the detriment of all other body types. And, while progress has been made in some quarters, nearly all the major 2024 fashion weeks had far fewer plussize models walking the runway than the previous two years; the Ozempic craze has seen “skinny” garner a renewed popularity surge; and Kim Kardashian’s recent Met Gala corset, which synched her waist into an impossibly narrow hourglass (and turned breathing “into an artform”), was still held up as aspirational rather than alarming. The body positivity movement may have helped shift the conversation on and raise awareness of fatphobia, but shrinking down continues to be held up as the ideal goal for women.

Men aren’t, of course, immune to the pressure to transform into some kind of Love Island adonis either, all oiled-up muscles and fat-free, washboard abs — but I have yet to hear two guys greet each other with the words, “Hey man, you’re looking really trim — have you lost weight?”

It got me thinking that women need to make a proper effort if we’re to finally stop engaging in this nonsense, and to refrain from commenting on each other’s weight, full stop, in fact. Such remarks merely serve to perpetuate the myth that weight loss is always something to be celebrated. And in some cases, such as SJP’s, our well-meaning words could inadvertently insult, rather than raise up, the person in question.

Go forth and compliment, by all means. But how about we try praising someone’s sunny demeanour or their sense of style; their positive energy or their effortlessly cool aura, and leave the thin-shaming to Bette Midler characters from the 1990s.

© The Independent

Aries March 21 – April 20

No matter how much you try to understand someone or something, the insights you seek may remain beyond your grasp. Rather than work this out logically, let your intuition lead the way. On a social note, as sweet Venus enters Gemini, her presence can be a call to connect with those you haven’t heard from in a while. Need to sell an idea? You could be very persuasive.

Gemini May 22 – June 21

Get ready to be the star of the show as Venus sashays into your sign. Her presence can enrobe you in confidence and perhaps inspire you to update your “look” with some snappy styles or enhance your image with other touches. You’ll find you’re more connected to your feelings, encouraging you to share them in a way that others can appreciate and acknowledge, Gemini.

Leo July 24 – August 23

While you may be looking inwards in one respect and discovering more about what makes you tick, the current emphasis suggests socializing could provide light relief. And with convivial Venus making her entrance into Gemini today, relationships can develop in warmth and new friendships might be made. Looking for love? Your flirtatious side will be to the fore, Leo.

Libra September 24 – October 23

You may feel it’s your duty to be persistent in your pursuit of truth. This can be so, if someone you trusted seems to be playing a game and keeping certain things from you. And yet if you decide to confront them, be diplomatic, as they may have a reason for acting as they have. Eager to get away from it all? Solo or spoken for, romance can follow when you travel near or far.

Sagittarius November 23 – December 21

A harmonious energy influencing your sector of relating from today could inspire you to share your affection with others, including your family and partner. Venus’s presence here suggests you might sense others’ needs intuitively and you’ll be ready to offer ideas and advice as well as listen when necessary. It might also pave the way for peaceful solutions to complex issues.

Aquarius January 21 – February 19

As charming Venus moves into your leisure zone, her presence encourages you to get away from your daily routine and focus on fun plans. You really deserve this chance to put responsibilities to one side and engage in activities that bring you pleasure. Whatever else needs doing, recharging your batteries can gift you with the energy to enjoy more of life, Aquarius.

Taurus April 21 – May 21

As lovely Venus your ruler moves into your money zone, you may be keen to sell items you no longer need and to replace them with things that are more useful to you. Your buying and selling ability can improve under this delightful influence, although you’ll enjoy indulging too. If a friend encourages you to purchase a membership, don’t jump in. Check the details first, Taurus.

Cancer June 22 – July 23

The battle to separate your needs from those of others continues. Mars in Aries encourages you to be a little selfish and do what you want. Indeed, the Sun in a secluded sector can be a call to listen to your inner wisdom and to follow your heart. A gentle influence encourages you to accept yourself and to treat yourself very lovingly too, as doing so will boost your confidence.

Virgo August 24 – September 23

Making a good impression is important, and you’ll certainly hit the right note as a delightful focus on a prominent sector can be a call to use charm to help key interactions go smoothly. Venus in Gemini gives you the attractor factor, so use it well. Feel like socializing? Connecting with other ambitious souls will oil the wheels of commerce and give you a head start, Virgo.

Scorpio October 24 – November 22

Sometimes it’s necessary to dismantle something and remake it, which may be the case over coming weeks. You might need to take apart an idea or plan so that it can be put back together in a way that brings better results. On a financial note, a positive focus on your sector of shared resources could give you a little more spending or investing power if needed, Scorpio.

Capricorn December 22 – January 20

Although something should be obvious, it might not be. Don’t presume that the answer is right in front of you as it could take some unravelling to find it. In addition, if you haven’t had the chance of a massage or spa treatment in a long while, then it can be time to treat yourself. You may tend to put work before pleasure, but relaxing could make you even more productive.

Pisces February 20 – March 20

If you’ve had dreams of giving your place a makeover, it’s time to make a start. With a creative influence occurring in your domestic zone, use this opportunity to get ideas from magazines and online or from imagination, and to source the materials to make it a reality. Enjoyment can arise from seeing your plans come together and other people complementing you on your choices.