Noel sells himself Cheap in tacky show

■Cheap, Cheap, Cheap: Ch 4, Monday to Friday,

3pm Somebody needs to tell Noel Edmonds (pictured) to hang up his floral shirts and heated hair rollers for good. His new Channel 4 quiz show is one of the most painful TV encounters you will ever experience. The opening episode attracted just 270,000 viewers, and frankly I’m surprised that figure wasn’t even lower. The show sees contestants presented with a trio of items and asked to rank them in order of price, rewarded with €5,000 cash each time they get it right. The set is supposed to resemble some sort of grocer’s Aladdin’s cave where curios and bric-a-brac sit alongside DIY tools, musical instruments and household products. The daytime quiz also features a petulant shop assistant who refuses to follow orders and a handful of audience members perched uncomfortably on stage. A bit like The Price is Right meets Open All Hours with a bit of 9 out of 10 Cats Does Countdown. Just days before it aired Noel tried to explain the premise, describing Cheap Cheap Cheap as “a gameshow that thinks it’s a sitcom”. I’d advise him to think again – on both fronts. Worst thing is it’s just five episodes in, meaning there are at least 25 more to go…