Ask Anne Our dead dog is tearing us apart

Dear Anne

I live with my partner of six years and, until recently, our dog Sam. Sadly Sam was run over by a car six weeks ago. I was sad, but I am quite shocked by how grief-stricken my partner is.

He isn’t functioning, keeps breaking down and can’t sleep. It’s like he has lost a relative. Is he crazy? I wonder if he’s being selfish and overdoing it. Should I mention getting a new dog?

Anne says

We all grieve differently. Often how we deal with bereavement is about the experiences we’ve faced in our own lives. Maybe it is the first time he has been through a tragedy so he could be in shock, denial or disbelief.

For some people, a dog IS a family member. Pets, after all, love you without judgment, so can easily earn devotion. You may not see it that way but try to respect those who do.

Get him to talk about his feelings and tell him you’re worried about how his grief is affecting his sleep and your relationship. But don’t scare him that he’s losing you too.

He could talk to his GP, who might offer something to help him sleep.

Share fond memories of Sam. Give your partner a framed photo of you all together. You could broach the idea of getting another dog. He may reject the idea but you can remind him how good it would be to hear the patter of little paws in your home.

Blue Cross charity runs a helpline for those who are finding it difficult to mourn their pet. Call 0044 0800 096 6606.

Maybe it is the first time he has suffered a tragedy so he could be in shock