SHIRTY TACTICS
IT’S around this time of year that clubs start giving sneak previews of their garish new kits. In the understandable absence of any so far, NEIL MASUDA reveals some of the more recent bizarre offerings...
The A-Z Of Weird & Wonderful Football Shirts by Richard Johnson (Conker Editions, £15) features many more of the strangest – and worst – designs you’ll ever see.
CD Palencia (2016)
Spain A good spine defines a winning team and this gruesome outfit did see the side promoted to Spain’s second tier.
Wycombe (2017)
England
If the striker gives you the eyes, just offer him ice-cream. But this outlandish keeper’s jersey ensured most forwards kept their gaze firmly averted.
Coventry (2019)
England
A huge hit when they celebrated the city’s link with Two-tone music. The shirts have since become collectors’ items.
CD Lugo (2015)
Spain
Clever multi-purpose shirt – inducing dry throats in the opponents while ensuring that half-time bar profits soar. But only ever worn in pre-season.
Deportivo Wanka (2003)
Peru
Highly collectable in the UK. Can’t think why. When home fans give the ref pelters, the team think they’re chanting for them – and that comes in handy.
Volga Ulyanovsk (2019)
Russia
Perfect kit for AC/DC’S Angus Young, but looking like first-formers didn’t stop them beating the bigger bully teams.
Arsenal (2014)
England
In this fractal mashup, even Mesut Ozil would find it difficult to go missing on the pitch. But only two were made to celebrate the Gunners’ Nike links.
CD La Granja (2019)
Spain
Not one to stand downwind of, the bean top, after a heavy Friday night, isn’t too palatable from the front either.
CD Pinzon (2016)
Spain
Imagine a full-scale counter-attack, with giant strawberries running at you! With the right blend, you can beat them and make the perfect smoothie, too.
La Hoya Lorca (2013)
Spain
If any team deserves to sing Green Army, it must be this one. The broccoli shirt could have been mum’s ploy to get little fans to eat their veg... well, at least it wasn’t sprouts.