Oh baby! End the child-free stigma now..
CAN becoming a parent make you unhappier?
I remember watching the TV3 show Baby Hater where comedian Joanne Mcnally explores her decision to remain childless.
She said she never wanted a child! Imagine... we were horrified!
Joanne commented at the time: “Eight pounds and three ounces of pure responsibility and commitment.”
She’s right in that regard. When we have kids we never truly realise that we will never be free again!
But something takes over and the desire for a baby takes hold.
Although the concept of the TV3 show may have seemed heartless at the time, why do some tut tut at folk who decide not to procreate?
These women have their own minds; having a child does not define you.
I applaud women like Joanne who aren’t influenced by the expectations of society.
There are enough children in the world.
I loved when I met Mary Mcevoy (aka Biddy from Glenroe).
She was unapologetically dead straight as to why she didn’t want to have a child.
I have loads of childless friends and when I hear they’re heading to Ibiza and on spa weekends a little part of me dies each time with envy.
My children are my world, but for sure you end up sacrificing your carefree life – and that’s just part of the deal.
But nobody talks about how such sacrifices can lead to unhappiness, it’s just not ok to say it!
If you happen to be glued to Maid on Netflix at the moment you’ll see the lead character struggling to provide for her little girl.
Despite loving the child, her life is made unhappy because she has to provide. Therein lies the reality.
If you ask parents about parenthood they sugar coat it and talk about how rewarding it is, but if you look at actual data it tells a different story.
The mental exhaustion of rearing kids is the most challenging part, and we end up taking things out on our partners; I mean who else is the punching bag?
This can lead to feelings of unhappiness.
The secret is to call it out and be honest.
I’m finding as a parent you are the psychologist, cleaner, cook and worker and sometimes we forget to stop and to think of our own needs, which means inevitably we end up exploding or burning out!
I think that tiredness starts getting to me and my partner and the rattiness is taken out on each other, hence the unhappy cycle.
Our parents’ generation tell us they had no choice but to procreate, with no contraception, and that the trouble these days is we have too much choice. But it’s not so straightforward. For instance, a 2015 German study found that in the first few years, parenthood is worse than a divorce or unemployment.
I think I’ve learned it’s ok to say it’s tough, it’s hard, I need a break and a good night out with my partner just to claw back a bit of ourselves again.