MARY BURKE

Singer and entertainer

Mary, tell us about your grandchildren?

My daughter Dervla has two kids. Her eldest is Paul, he’s six years old, and her little girl, Hannah, is five. My son

Derek has two children as well – Ollie is three and Robyn is two.

For you, what’s the difference between being a mother and grandmother?

You venture into the unknown when you become a first-time mother and you’re always still learning and you make mistakes. There’s no such thing as the perfect parent. You have that life experience behind you when you become a grandmother. With every step and every milestone, you know what’s coming next. Nothing comes as a shock with the different transition periods they go through. You’re also equipped to give your kids advice on parenting. Dervla and Derek always come to me for help and I tell them what I used to do. It’s like anything, I’ve done my work experience on being a mother.

Is your love for your own child different to the love you share for your grandchild?

You might not have had the time with your own children because you were so busy doing everything as a first-time mother. As a grandmother, you might have a bit more time on your hands and you can give them that quality time that a parent might not be able to. Being a grandparent is very important because you can be good role models having more life experience. I hope that my grandchildren will come to me for advice and I can be a friend to them. I also have a very deep faith and that is one thing I want to pass onto them. They love coming to the church with me and we say our prayers. In my eyes they can do no wrong and we have permission to spoil them.

The rules are definitely different. Grandparents can bend all the rules and you can give them extra sweets, treats and presents. All is forgiven with some hugs.

Your eldest grandson Paul has additional needs and is autistic. You must provide a lot of support to both your daughter Dervla and to Paul as well.

Dervla and Tim are brilliant parents and I’m always there for them for any challenges they face with Paul. I’m there to give her a comforting word when she feels overwhelmed and exhausted. Paul loves me very much, even though he can’t verbalise it I still know that we have a very close bond. His face lights up when he sees me and he loves to come over to my house and I feed him toast. He’s good with me and he knows his boundaries. I’m on call 24/7 if Dervla ever needs me for anything. It’s a great comfort to her to know that he’s safe with his grandmother.

What do the kids call you?

They call me “Nana” and my husband is “Granddad”. On the other side, there’s “Granny”. My mother was also “Nana” to Derek and Dervla and my own grandmother was “Nana” to me, so the name has been passed down through the generations.

What advice would you give them?

I tell my children and grandchildren to be there to support each other through happy and sad times. Keep the lines of communication open and put others first at every possible opportunity. My hope for them is that they will rise above the materialism of today’s world and their lives will be an inspiration to others. I pray they will always keep God in their lives and he will sustain them going forward.