The gift of self-love

Rather than looking to others for satisfaction, you can rely on yourself for pleasure. Here, sexologist Emily Power-Smith shows how to perfect the art of masturbation

Masturbation is not a term I tend to use because many people have negative associations with the word. Interestingly, folk seem to have more trouble with the pleasure part of masturbation than the practical, and I suspect this is because we’ve managed to discuss sex and orgasms without really mentioning pleasure. If we’re not talking about it, we’re not focussing on it. Sex and masturbation are perfunctory. We “do” them rather than feel them. You can do sex without feeling an awful lot and you can bring yourself to orgasm rapidly and wonder why you’re left feeling underwhelmed.

It’s almost like the orgasm is the holy grail of sex and if you have one, you should be completely satisfied – but many aren’t. They’re left wondering if this is it, and if so, why bother? This is the goal-orientated approach where all focus is on the destination with no attention given to the journey. So I prefer to teach self-love that encompasses masturbation and orgasm, but isn’t limited to either. If you engage erotically without a destination in mind, you tend to take side roads and detours, stop for picnics and discover hidden adventures which might be all you need or more than you could have imagined.

Starting your journey with a really thorough self-exam is key. This is best approached with love for yourself and plenty of time. Have a shower or bath followed by taking time to dry yourself mindfully. Treat yourself like a lover and think about what sort of environment will help you to feel sexy. Think about lighting, music, temperature and privacy. It will help you to feel more grown-up and valued, and you’ll find it easier to stay present if you’re not focussing on that pesky cobweb or worrying about being interrupted.

Prop yourself up on your pillows, bend your knees and position a mirror and light facing your vulva so you can have a really good look without contorting. Take time to breathe and relax and then open your labia and start exploring. This is not a clinical exercise. It’s one of selfexploration, acceptance and self-love. So work on your inner dialogue making it kind and supportive, and keep your breath long and deep.

Once you have your map, you’re ready to start your journey to pleasure.

It’s important, particularly as we age, to ensure we have some nice organic lube. While we know that lowered oestrogen can reduce or completely eliminate natural lubrication inside the vagina, we often forget this also happens to the vulva. For some women clitoral stimulation can become really painful making touch they used to enjoy totally off-putting. The bad news is that things will continue to deteriorate until you’ve got your oestrogen levels up again. The good news is that oestrogen pessaries for the vagina and topical oestrogen cream for the vulva will usually fix these issues if caught early enough.

Once your vulva and vagina are in good health, lube is your best friend. It prevents any pulling or irritating of the sensitive skin, and allows lots more variety in how you can share touch.

So how do you know if your vagina is lubricated enough for penetration? First salivate, and then suck your finger. The mouth should feel really wet and slippery and your finger should be able to slide in and out without any friction. That’s how wet your vagina should feel. For some women who have always taken the pill, they may have never lubricated this much as many contraceptive pills reduce oestrogen and lubrication. When you’re younger you might get away with it but as the vaginal skin ages, if we aren’t properly lubricated we can get minute paper cuts inside the vagina and even on a penis as the friction damages both. If you’re already sensitive, using lubes with chemicals can add to irritation. I like YES organic lubes. They do a waterbased and oil-based lube and both are natural.

Treat yourself like a lover and think about what will help you to feel sexy

the journey to self-love

• Always use lube and give yourself 30 minutes.

• Explore all of your body for pleasure before looking for arousal.

• Think sexy thoughts or read/ watch something arousing.

• Try different pressures and speeds all over.

• Tease yourself and build anticipation with soft, slow touch near the clitoral glans. • Many women never need direct clitoral touch to orgasm.

• Keep breathing slowly.

• Don’t have any expectations around orgasm.

• Be patient and kind with your self-talk.

Remember, self-love might bring arousal and orgasm, but pleasure is the point. “I love myself and deserve pleasure” is the message. But it’s OK to start with “I don’t love myself and I’m curious about pleasure”. Start with the truth and keep going. Experiencing pleasure is a muscle that needs regular flexing. All pleasure counts, but sexual pleasure is free and always available once you give yourself permission.

According to the World Health Organisation, incidences of obesity have tripled since 1975. In fact, the WHO declared obesity an epidemic back in 1997. Since then, the number of people with obesity has continued to rise, year after year.

Globally, 13% of adults are obese, and Ireland fares badly in comparison to our European counterparts with the ninth highest rate of adults with obesity – 25% – out of 53 European countries. A stark WHO report, published last year, revealed that no European country is on track to stop the rise of obesity by 2025.

Those living with obesity are more likely to develop serious health conditions such as type 2 diabetes, cardiovascular disease, cancer, stroke, high blood pressure, cholesterol issues, osteoarthritis, sleep apnoea and breathing problems.

There are new drugs to treat obesity, such as Semaglutide, also known as Ozempic (for diabetes) and Wegovy (for obesity). The former prompts the body to produce more insulin, which reduces blood sugar. The latter acts to suppress appetite.

However, we have a long way to go before these drugs are readily available to every person who needs them, plus experts agree that prevention is better than cure. What is causing this rise in obesity, and what role do individual diet and environmental factors play?

We speak to two experts on the best way to combat this growing health problem.

DR MARGARET STEELE, UCC SCHOOL OF PUBLIC HEALTH

As a postdoctoral researcher, Dr Steele’s work involves studying the best way to treat diseases on a societal and public policy level.

She says the way we understand and talk about obesity affects the way we treat and prevent it, and she recently completed research which recommended changing the name of the condition.

Currently, obesity can refer to a BMI category of 30 or more, but it is also referred to as a disease which has a number of associated health conditions. And Dr Steele says is it possible for people to be heavier, but not have a lot of the health problems associated with being obese.

“The issue is not really about body size,” she adds. “The issue is the kinds of foods we are eating, our diet, the food environment we are in, and the way that messes up people’s metabolism.”

Dr Steele also says losing weight is not as simple as calories in and calories out. “Being on a diet is closer to holding your breath. Your body will be hungry while on a diet. It is very difficult to maintain without support. It’s nothing to do with willpower or moral fibre.

“If the basic physiology is out of whack, which is the case for people with the disease of obesity, willpower alone cannot fix this.”

While drugs such as Semaglutide will help, they are not a quick-fix, as the effects of the medicine wear off as soon as it’s stopped. People also need to maintain a healthy diet and exercise while on and off these drugs.

According to Dr Steele, it is not enough to just tell people to eat healthy. She continues, “In public health, the research is becoming clearer and clearer. With regards to things like gambling, smoking, and now obesity… just telling people that these things are harmful and expecting them to just stop doesn’t work. The reason why people engage in these behaviours is because of their environment.”

Things like socioeconomic status, the amount of time people have, their income, stress levels and home environment all factor in. “Of course there is a role for individual choice, but our choices are shaped by our environment more than previously acknowledged,” says Dr Steele.

In the late 20th century, people’s BMIs rose dramatically in Western countries. “This was the first time in history these people had enough to eat for a long time. Food became easier to come by,” Dr Steele admits. The food industry managed to increase food

production while simultaneously making their products cheaper. However, there were downsides to this. “In the US they planted tonnes of corn, to feed people efficiently. This worked well, but then it gave rise to by-products like high-fructose corn syrup,” says Dr Steele. “They started putting high fructose corn syrup in everything, because it was cheap.”

Nowadays, we are also bombarded with advertisements for junk food, and we can’t go into a shop without being shown hundreds of different highcalorie treats on offer. This was not the case 40 years ago. We need to change the way we treat obesity, according to Dr Steele. At the moment, the health service assumes people can manage the condition by themselves if they try. “This isn’t really true,” she adds. “The big role for government is prevention. That is around things like the sugar tax and limiting the amount of fast food outlets that open near schools. This would prevent young people growing up with a constant supply of cheap food that is tough to resist.

“The food industry often presents itself as being the one giving choice, but if you go to the shop and there’s only processed options or deli counter stuff, and it is difficult to put a healthy lunch together on the go, then that’s not a choice.”

Ultimately, the Government can’t police people’s behaviour, but it can give people better options.

DR EVA ORSMOND, DR EVA’S CLINICS, DUBLIN & GALWAY

Dr Eva Orsmond was born in Finland and has worked as a doctor in Ireland for many years. She runs a medically-supervised clinic solely dedicated to weight loss, weight management and type 2 diabetes reversal. She first appeared on the TV show Operation Transformation back in 2007 and appeared for six seasons.

According to Dr Eva, the side effects of carrying excess weight include pressure on the circulatory system, the joints and knees.

There are two different kinds of fat stored in the body – subcutaneous and visceral fat. “The subcutaneous fat is still weight, but the visceral fat, which is found deep within the abdominal cavity, produces inflammatory compounds. These so-called cytokines are linked to more than 20 different health conditions and cancers. This low grade of inflammation has negative health consequences,” she says.

Men are more affected by visceral fat than women, as they store more fat around their middle. Type 2 diabetes is another serious health problem linked to obesity. “A recent study in The Lancet medical journal indicates there will be over a billion diabetic people globally

Just throwing weight-loss drugs at people will not solve the problem

by 2050, we are talking about over one in 10,” says Dr Eva.

The pharmaceutical industry, which developed the likes of Ozempic, claim obesity is due to genetics and metabolic disease. While there are some people who are more prone to obesity due to their genetics, Dr Eva insists our genetic composition hasn’t changed in the last 50 years. The biggest factor in this obesity epidemic is lifestyle.

She adds, “The lifestyle habits we inherit from our parents or caretaker are important. If you live in a family that eats a lot of vegetables and a variety of food, and you go on hikes together, you are less likely to become overweight.”

The fact we are living in a obesegenic society with advertisements for highcalorie foods virtually everywhere also doesn’t help. “You are reminded of the presence of food many times a day and you are tempted many times a day. We have learned to look for that instant gratification from food,” continues Dr Eva.

Sugar is hidden in many processed foods – even ones that don’t taste sweet. There are also less people than ever cooking at home, with many opting for a takeaway instead. “Spain, Italy and France have a higher rate of home cooking, and a much lower rate of obesity,” reveals Dr Eva.

From a public health perspective, Dr Eva says millions of euro is being spent by the State every year to combat illnesses while people’s quality of life is impacted. She maintains the sugar tax doesn’t go far enough and there is a lack of support from the public healthcare system. “We need an incentive for people to lose weight, maybe a tax relief system, and a way to monitor people’s weight and to give them tailor-made advice.

“Just throwing weight-loss drugs at people will not solve the problem.

“I believe we need to be straight with people. If you are telling them at a public health level they need to lose weight, you need to give them guidance and the tools to lose weight. I give people specific, personalised, diet plans. People need to be told exactly what to do, and this is lacking on a public health level.”

Making food labels easier to read and also making cooking classes mandatory in schools could go a long way to solving the obesity problem, Dr Eva adds.