At Sligo Cemetery, Brian sees aftermath of tragedy. He does all he can to help
Brian Scanlon has been the caretaker of Sligo Cemetery for years. He tells Claire Ronan about the worrying increase in heartbreaking cases of suicide in the past year – and how he can see hope for the future
BRIAN SCANLON has worked as the caretaker of Sligo Cemetery for a number of years and is a well known face around Sligo. He is especially known for his encyclopaedic knowledge of local history – all self-taught. For those who frequent the cemetery, Brian is known for his kindness and compassion and for going above and beyond to help people struggling to deal with the death of a loved one. Sligo Cemetery services about a sixth of the burials in the county of Sligo.
Brian says he has seen an increase in suicides since Covid struck nearly a year ago.
Speaking to the Sligo Weekender this week, Brian said: “We have seen a massive increase in suicides in the last year. To my knowledge we have had four Covid deaths and have had 16 suicides in the same period.”
Brian told me that he is speaking out because he sees the devastation that a family suffers after a suicide.
He said: “I see people who are great parents who would always have looked after their health – be it out jogging or just minding themselves and their diets.
“But once suicide hits, you meet the same people and they are a shadow of their former selves. They are like completely different people.
“I know one man all my life and he didn’t agree with taking medication. He was very health-conscious and wouldn’t even take a Disprin for a headache. Now he has to take sleeping tablets to even get three or four hours’ sleep at night. His life has been turned upside down after the suicide of a loved one.”
Every case is different. Over a number of years, Brian has seen several scenarios in the aftermath of suicide. He said: “Sometimes the bereaved are surrounded by people for two or three weeks and then they are on their own.
“With that deep, raw grief, some people are so shocked and angry it affects their personality and they fall out with their spouses, partners or other family members, with whom they had previously had great relationships. “As time passes and the grief abates a little they are often shocked at how they behaved in the initial aftermath, and they feel remorseful and have to deal with so much regret as well.” Brian says that is heartbreaking to watch. There is a wisdom about Brian Scanlon. You are struck by how easy it is to confide in him. There is a deep kindness to him – he really comes across as non-judgmental. For those reasons, it is of no surprise to hear that on top of his role as caretaker many people pour out their hearts and souls to him in the portacabin which serves as his office. He has shared many cups of tea with people who have no one to turn to and who are ravaged by grief and regret.
He said: “Often at the burial of a suicide victim I wouldn’t know the family at all initially. But in the following few months I often get to know them very well as they seek solace at the grave of their loved one.”
The aftermath of suicide on a family is tragic to watch. Brian sees family members and friends coming into the cemetery and standing for hours and hours in hail, rain and snow. He recalls one person who used to sit at a grave for four or five hours at a time.
Brian said: “It was like someone placed her on the grave and switched her off. She wouldn’t lift her hand or wouldn’t lift her head, just stand there completely motionless.”
Brian would always look out for her when he was going about his business. On a previous visit to the cemetery, I saw Brian bring a chair and an umbrella to another mourner. It was lashing rain. It was a simple act of kindness, and extraordinary to watch. Brian said he feels that in their despair, sometimes people have nowhere else to go.
I asked Brian about the local mental health services. He applauded the HSE for the new acute mental health unit which opened in the grounds of Sligo University Hospital last October. The opening of this new unit marks the end of an era in mental health services in Sligo with the closure of St Columba’s Hospital.
Brian said: “Growing up in Sligo, the thought of entering St Columba’s was like a black mark on you. But now with the new unit open, it has taken some of the stigma away.”
Brian said that he hopes that the opening of the vaccine centre at IT Sligo’s Knocknarea Arena will give people optimism and enable them to see light at the end of the Covid tunnel. He hopes it will lift the mood of the people of the county.
Despite being a frontline worker he is still waiting for a date for his own vaccine.
Brian said that despite Covid, there has been no increase in funerals year on year.
One of the challenges he faces is keeping the numbers down at the gravesides in order to help stop the spread of the virus.
He said: “There are three gates into the cemetery and it is impossible for me to man all three.
“Many people are now avoiding the funeral ceremonies, as per government guidelines.
“Some people then come to the gates of the cemetery to greet the hearse as it arrives. Afterwards they come in to pay their respects.
“I cannot stop them as they could be visiting a family member’s grave. It is a very difficult situation. “I personally wear a mask and gloves and practise social distancing and I firmly believe that it is up to the individuals themselves to take personal responsibility for themselves.” The vaccine is here and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Brian stressed the need for anyone who is not feeling well to talk to someone and seek help.
l If you are affected by the issues raised in this article, please contact NW Stop at 1850 211877 or 086 7772009
“Some people come to the gates of the cemetery to greet the hearse as it arrives. Afterwards they come in to pay their respects. I can’t stop them”