I felt down. But I couldn’t put my finger on the reason

I WAS quiet for a few days last week. I knew I was feeling a bit down, but couldn’t put my finger on what it was that was causing it.

And whenever this happens I retreat into myself. My wife noticed it and between us we were trying to figure out what was up.

Nothing was obvious, until it was. The most obvious thing of all.

The pandemic. No gigs. Missing the buzz of live performance, the racket of a crowd. The energy you get back as a result feeding you for the next few days. Personal interactions. The financial stability gigs bring. People smiling, dancing, clapping, cheering. I miss it all.

And it hit me last week. Probably for the first time. I had been so busy trying to get on with things that there was no room to miss it. Until it found a way in, as it always will.

For a bit of context, I’m fine, thanks. People have had to deal with all sorts of terrible things over the last 14 or 15 months, and on the scale of things, what I experienced wasn’t that bad. It lasted a few days. I could still function. But nevertheless I believe it’s important for us all to acknowledge how we feel, and to try and get to the bottom of things when something is up.

So why am I doing so in public like this?

Well, firstly to say it’s OK not to be OK. I was inspired last weekend by Naoise Devaney, a young local singer with whom I have worked regularly over the years. She posted a video on her YouTube channel in which she spoke honestly about some difficulties she has been having in her life. She said that if her sharing her story helped one person then it would have been worth it – and she’s right. And secondly, well I don’t really have another reason. That one is good enough for today. This column wasn’t meant to turn out like this, but sometimes you don’t know what you want to say until you start writing.

I have a friend who says he realised when this pandemic started that he has been social distancing for years, he just didn’t know what it was called. I convinced myself for a while that I was an introvert. We have all told ourselves stories to get through it.

‘I’m enjoying being at home every evening. ‘The garden has never looked better’. ‘It’s so handy working from home’.

And these statements may all be true. Focusing on these things has probably helped us to deal with everything that has been thrown at us.

But it’s also OK to say that we miss the people we can’t see, the places we can’t go and the things we can’t do. And it’s equally OK if that makes us sad from time to time.

Kieran Quinn plays piano and brings people together in music. He can be contacted by email at kieran@kieranquinn.ie. More at kieranquinn.blog

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