4: NON-EMPTY NESTERS
Dear Son, I know it is odd to write a letter to someone who lives in your house. However, it is clear you are ignoring the suggestions that I’ve been leaving around the house, such as the brochure for a new apartment block in Stillorgan, which features a woman on the front with the biggest boobs I have ever seen, and I’ve seen the magazines you hide under your bed.
Of course, it goes without saying that, as our son, you will always have a room here in our house. On the other hand, get out.
It is hard for a mother to say this to her 31-year-old son, but not as hard as doing the washing for someone with mild OCD who insists on changing his underwear twice a day. How could anyone have that many ‘accidents’?
We didn’t put you through medical school just to get one up on your Aunt Fidelma, whose four kids can hardly write their names. We also did it in the hope that you’d clear off once you qualified.
I am delighted to see you are using the money saved on rent to save up for a deposit and to buy the new BMW you arrived home in yesterday. You know me well enough now to realise what I’m really saying — stop using us to fund your German-sports-car lifestyle, you saucy bollocks.
I know you keep saying you don’t want to buy a place and watch the price go down. But even David McWilliams said the other day that property can’t keep going down, and he knows everything.
If you are interested, I have a brochure about a new apartment complex in Dundrum, which has a couple on the front pretending to have sex in their new kitchen.