Sunday Independent (Ireland) - Life - - WORLD EXCLUSIVE -

Sum­mer isn’t a great time for age-con­scious Ir­ish peo­ple. And not just be­cause we have freck­les the size of a cat. The main prob­lem is shorts. Some peo­ple say that denim is good for all ages. We say they’ve never seen denim shorts on any­one old enough to re­mem­ber

Too short, and you’re in cel­lulite city. Too long, and you look like a cam­paign worker for Don­ald Trump. There is no ‘just right’ for denim shorts when you are over 30. So steer well clear.

The shorts is­sue is par­tic­u­larly awk­ward for blokes. Things were great 10 years ago, when cargo shorts were in vogue. They were loose, had plenty of pock­ets and made you look like a 25-year-old. We bought three pairs each and said, “These should see me out now.” (Side note. Cut out the phrase ‘see me out.’ Men over 40 tend to think about death more than sex, but there is no need to tell ev­ery­one.)

Any­way, cargo shorts. The peo­ple who de­cide these things (15-year-old fash­ion blog­gers whose peo­ple have peo­ple) have de­creed cargo shorts are all a bit Nokia. Wear them if you like. But you know the way your fa­ther wore Farah slacks with san­dals and socks dur­ing a heat­wave? Well, that’s you now. Sorry about this, but there is only one way for a man to act all young on the shorts front. And that’s to show ev­ery­one his balls.

This new craze is called Full Pea­cock. You can drop ‘Pea’ from that name with­out los­ing any of the mean­ing. The fash­ion now is to wear su­per-tight shorts to make it clear that you’re no lady. Don’t for­get that the old ‘no socks with san­dals’ rule still ap­plies. But maybe shove a pair of socks down your shorts, be­cause some things tend to shrink over time.

Mork & Mindy.

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