Hurt by hus­band’s party in­vite snub

Sunday Independent (Ireland) - Living - - MARY O’CONOR -

We were re­cently in­vited to a fam­ily friend’s 60th birth­day party. My hus­band of 28 years turned to me and said he was at­tend­ing with his mate. When I asked him if I was not in­vited, he replied that he was go­ing with his mate — a male who is also a fam­ily friend.

I was hurt by this and ex­pressed this to my hus­band. He wasn’t both­ered by my feel­ings and still went to the party with his mate. I’m baf­fled and ex­tremely hurt.

AI don’t blame you for be­ing hurt and am at a loss to know why your hus­band felt the need to ex­clude you. It is ex­tremely un­likely that it was an all-male party, be­cause he would have told you if it was.

You’ve been mar­ried for quite a long time and so should know each other pretty well by now, and yet you were to­tally taken aback by this, so I sur­mise that it was out of char­ac­ter for him to treat you in such a cava­lier fash­ion.

You de­serve to have some an­swers, and also need re­as­sur­ance that this won’t hap­pen again. It would be very de­mean­ing for you to have to ask to be taken to events with him — part of be­ing a cou­ple is that you do things to­gether when­ever pos­si­ble.

It would have been dif­fer­ent if this were a work party, or some­body you didn’t know, but it was a fam­ily friend’s party and pre­sum­ably the friend ex­pected to see you as well as your hus­band.

Your hus­band needs to an­swer some ques­tions.

What does he think about the state of your re­la­tion­ship, is he un­happy with any as­pects of it and why did he think it OK not to take your wishes into con­sid­er­a­tion? Even if the mate that he went with was on his own there was surely no rea­son why you couldn’t have all gone to the party. Do you get on with this mate?

There are so many ques­tions that I would like to ask you but can­not and so I am lim­ited in what I can say to you. But don’t give up on this — you de­serve an­swers.

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