‘The women in my life’
DJ CAREY
An exclusive extract from the Kilkenny legend’s new book,
AFTER MY separation from my ex-wife Christine, I got into a relationship with Sarah Newman which lasted for nine years. Sarah was a well-known businesswoman and because I had a high profile in sport, we were always being invited to support various charity events, which we readily did.
This led to us being photographed regularly and, before you know it, you’re classed as some sort of socialite, even when you were only there to support a good cause. Unfortunately, that’s what happens in a small country like Ireland, where unfair motives can be attached to the most innocent of events. If I could help a charity in some way I always would.
Courting publicity was never my thing. I was always co-operative with sports journalists because I felt I had a responsibility to promote hurling. If I could do that by giving interviews, I would do it all the time. Beyond that, I was a private person. At no stage did I ever want to be classed as a socialite or someone who liked being seen in trendy places about town.
The whole celebrity thing made me uncomfortable. You meet so many genuine people in sport that it’s easy to think everyone is the same elsewhere, but that’s not the case. In business situations, you will find people who tell you how great you are but you know full well that they aren’t remotely sincere.
They are what I would call the ‘networking set’. They talk to you for a while but then invite you to meet someone else. It’s part of the networking system and is something I have no time for whatsoever. Over the years, I attended fewer and fewer events, not just because of that, but because I didn’t want people to think I was trying to be seen everywhere.
I was never the socialite type. I’m a hurler, a sportsperson, a confident guy on the field. I can do media and talk easily to people but I’m also essentially a private person. Being seen out and about is not what I do. My relationship with Sarah ended last year. It broke down for various reasons, all of which are personal to us. It’s part of life, tough and painful, but both of us had to get on with it.
My business problems have got plenty of public airing in recent years and all I can say is that I’m working through them. I made a lot of mistakes, as did many others, but I’m trying to correct them as best I can.
It’s not easy and there’s no point denying that the last few years have been very stressful, but it’s the hand I have been dealt and I’ll play it to the best of my ability. I have done nothing wrong, can look everyone in the eye and, most of all, I’m content in myself.
I’m 42, I’m healthy again, I have two lovely sons and some great friends. Nowadays, I count my blessings and look forward to the future in a very positive way. Sport had helped me to do that and I have no doubt that it will continue to do so for the rest of my days.
I’m at my most content on the hurling field. I always have been. I feel at home there — happy, comfortable and secure. In a way, it defines who I am. Life has thrown me plenty of ups and downs but the important thing is to take the positives from wherever you find them. You can lose money in business — which I know all about — but nobody can ever take away my achievements on the hurling field with Kilkenny or Gowran. They remain permanent, an expression of who I am and irrespective of what anyone does or says, they will always be there.
I totally ignore negativity. I always believe that when a person is pointing the finger at someone else, there are three fingers pointing in the other direction — right back in the face of the individual who is doing the pointing in the first place. Quite possibly, it’s their own story they’re telling but it’s easier to point at someone else.
My motto now is that life offers up endless opportunities to grow. The trick is to make the best of now. Stop thinking about what might have been and look to what can be. An inspiring friend taught me to see that disappointments and struggles keep you humble, successes and achievements keep you growing, but only determination, faith and ownership of yourself keep you going. Stay focused and realise that nothing limits you except your fears.
Another great lesson I have learned is in realising life isn’t perfect. We are all programmed for high expectations and losses. Sometimes you just have to let go rather than hold on.
Be flexible. Allow life to run its course with the ups and downs and then it will be easier to find your inner space and place of peace. We need to live and enjoy each day. Celebrate your efforts and not just the outcomes. And always remember, light trumps darkness every time.
On the hurling front, I returned to action last April, playing with Gowran special juniors, whom I also manage. I have played a reasonable amount since then, either starting games or coming on as a sub, and while the legs aren’t as nifty as they used to be, the sense of enjoyment is the same as it always was. That’s the great thing about sport. Once you can play at some level, there’s fun to be had. I enjoy the sense of involvement, that special feeling which comes from being part of a team, striving to achieve something as a group.
I consider myself lucky to have had a wonderful career in hurling and I’m delighted to now be able to put something back into the game as a mentor with my club. As for the playing bug, it’s still there and I’ll indulge it for as long as I can.
One of the really enjoyable aspects of playing this year was that I got a chance to play on the same team as my eldest son, Sean, who is 16. I didn’t think it would happen — especially when I had health problems last year — so I’m savouring every opportunity I get to play with him. It’s an unusual — but lovely — feeling to be on the same team as your son and while we are doing things at a very different pace, we work well off each other. Just as I did in the 1980s, Sean is attending St Kieran’s College and enjoying his hurling.
My younger son, Mikey, who is 14, loves hurling too (both of the lads love golf as well) and is now wondering if I can hang around for a few more seasons so that he can play with me on a Gowran team. Who knows? One day at a time and all that. Maybe the three of us will don the red-and-white in a few years’ time.