Mind the pay gap. Why aren’t you smiling gals?

Great news lady faces! The gender pay gap has now halved to just 5pc! Now, just before we all book ourselves a celebratory mani/pedi or splurge on those fancy new applicator tampons, there are a few stipulations which might seem taxing for our female minds, and good heavens, don’t let them distract any of you from darning your hubby’s socks.

The recent joyous tidings on pay gap come from The Resolution Foundation, and apply to millennials who work and reside, like me in Great-if-you-like-that-sort-of-thing-Britain. (If you aren’t quite sure if you are a millennial, ask your self one question “Do you use Snapchat?” If the answer is “No, but my dinner party repartee has been known to provoke heated debate” then you are not). The not so good news is that the rest of us womenfolk will earn hundreds of thousands less than men who do exactly the same job until the end of our careers. Anywhoo, don’t let that get you down, we should all be jumping for joy because for a tiny percentage of women who work, the gender pay divide is closing, albeit at the speed of a snail on its way to a French restaurant. C’mon gals, why aren’t you smiling? Perhaps, we shouldn’t make a big deal of it, I mean if every man who walked into a shop was told he had to pay 5pc extra for a Twix because he has a penis, he’d be totally cool with it right? Ah, but wait, women have babies! So it’s only right they get paid less forever, and if they do return to work they’ll probably be all teary and have baby brains anyway. Even the ones who don’t have babies should earn less because… well, they still have wombs, even if they aren’t using them. Whatever the reason pay gap exists, it’s definitely women’s own fault and absolutely nothing at all to do with wholesale discrimination by employers. Cheers ladies!