Big changes can bring big, happy surprises

Sometimes people get mad when you, someone they see as a peer, do something that they would not or can not. They might be upset that you have found a strength or courage that they would like. It might be that you have given yourself permission to do something that they dare not, it might just be envy but it can also be very disconcerting.

A lot of what any of us say or feel about others is really about ourselves so chances are that the people who get mad at your changes, changes which aren’t really any of their business, are angry because of the mirror you’re (incidentally) holding up to them. The angry folk don’t tend to be happy ones, they’re too busy being happy to bother judging others. The angry folk tend to be the unhappier ones, people who have decided to live with their unhappinesses, to settle for safety or ignore their issues. Living with unhappiness, settling for less and ignoring problems all require some kind of sublimation or a vague notion of martyrdom, inherent to which is a sense of moral superiority. So when someone breaks free, follows a dream by changing a job or moving house or losing weight, gives up smoking, drinking or drugs, changes partner or heads off on travels, any kind of life change that signals a rejection of the status quo, they are in some sense challenging the raison d’etre of those who choose not to change.

Big changes can bring big surprises, there’s a lot said about how new year’s resolutions fail, but often they succeed. A few weeks in and lots of people will be noticing happy changes in themselves and some perhaps are noticing weird kickback from strange sources. People who love you don’t hold you back, and people who hold you back probably don’t love themselves that much either. And that is entirely their problem.