Amuse bouche...

Celebrity cookbook

Chloe was going to write a cookbook. Chloe was going to write a celebrity cookbook. Chloe had never cooked before she went over to the UK and won the If They Could See Me Now reality-TV show. She went over thinking that the style challenges would be where she shone, but her real journey was with weight and food. Ultimately the show’s winner, she was the stand-out weight-shedder and star cook. Chloe had just been following the recipes, like everyone else on the show, but she was very good at it.

Chloe was great at what she now knew was called ‘plating up’. Doing her research, flicking through the Instagrams of the celebs her cookbook might be up against, Chloe could see that plating up seemed to be half the battle. A lot of it seemed to be making avocados look good in 15 ways and putting mad-coloured smoothies in jam jars.

Now that she was back in Ireland, Chloe needed to build on her brand. That’s what the other celebs called it.

Chloe had moved in with her sister, because the prize money was going fast. Chloe’s sister told people that Chloe was “resting”. It had seemed like an affectionate joke at first. Chloe knew it had been a while since the reality-TV show ended, and the phone had stopped ringing with interviews and photo shoots and morning TV with Phillip and Holly.

Chloe really hadn’t expected the phone to stop ringing. What about being the nation’s favourite and all? And what about all the weight she’d lost and how she’d, like, completely transformed herself ? She was a role model, for Christ’s sake.

Chloe’s sister rang from work to see what she was up to. Chloe’s sister took a few minutes to react to the book idea. Then she asked if Chloe knew that she’d actually have to think of new recipes, out of her own head, and that she’d have to test them, a lot, and they’d have to work. Chloe wondered how her sister knew all this.

“Celebrities have people to test them out and help with ideas,” Chloe answered. “And my big role would be the face of the food, doing TV spots and demos and stuff. It could be huge! I’m working on it already.”

“Are you in bed?” her sister asked, after a too-long pause. “Your voice sounds like you’re lying down.”

“I’m just resting,” Chloe said, sitting up very straight.