Lent may keep more than your spirit lean

Fiona O’Connell

PLENTY of practising Catholics in this country town follow Lent to the letter, much as my grandfather once did. That devout Dubliner was so fastidious about fasting that he used to weigh his food, ensuring meals were in miserable but pious portions.

But even lapsed Catholics and atheists also abstain during Lent, viewing the spiritual season as a second chance at neglected New Year resolutions. Often they ditch alcohol and smoking, leaving it to children to sacrifice sweet treats. But just as not only juveniles need to ditch the junk food, judging by all the overweight adults ambling about, our fellow creatures can also become chubby.

Like Little Flying Fauntleroy, the former fancy pigeon who is now positively portly, thanks to all the food that his featherless friends fed him over winter to ensure his survival. Apparently, the plump as well as plummy pigeon now prefers waiting on the wall for meals to materialise to exercising his wings. If this keeps up, we may have to rename him Little Fat Fauntleroy.

He’s not the only supersized species that I’ve seen. The local wildlife still sneaks into this country town cottage in search of shelter — and sustenance — during stormy weather. So I was reminded recently, by a loud scratching coming from the box of birdseed that I store under a bench.

The sound was so ferocious that I was afraid there might be a river rat in residence, even if I’ve never had house calls from their tiny cousins. So I was relieved when I took the box outside and opened it to find a mouse trying in vain to jump out.

He finally gave up and cowered in a corner, caught red-handed — or rather, with his pilfering paws pleading for clemency under my torchlight. It was obvious the robbing rodent had been having a great old time binging on bird food — until he panicked when he realised that he was trapped in paradise.

For this mouse was not exactly miniature. His body was bloated, swollen to twice the standard size from stuffing himself silly with suet and seeds. So much so that his shape now resembled that of an inchhigh Homer Simpson.

But though the trembling thief clearly needed to lose weight, he was in danger of losing his life before he had the chance by dying of fright. For his eyes were also enormous — though with fear, not fat. So I gently tipped over the box and he headed for the hills.

Or so I hoped — because the mightily fat mouse could do with the extra exertion that going uphill demands. Isaac Newton proved that what goes up must come down, but sometimes that only applies to apples. For gluttony and greed can literally outweigh the law of gravity.

And while it may be easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than a rich man to enter heaven, it could prove problematic for the purehearted if they’ve piled on too many pounds.

So now might be time to do the penance and shift them — fast.