Happy to speak up for the benefits of wine

ELEANOR GOGGIN

I’ve always had a problem with an audience. I feel extremely marginalsed if I feel I’m being surveyed and it has caused me distress at various times of my life. Like the time I was on the verge of an unexpected win in tennis when I was young. I was beating the number one seed with ease and word went around of my impending triumph and within minutes a crowd had assembled to watch the shock defeat and I started behaving like a lunatic. Serving into the next court, hitting fresh air and I lost 11 games in a row as my sturdy legs turned to jelly.

Nothing has changed. I couldn’t cope with golf either. I was convinced they were all looking out of the clubhouse falling around the place laughing at my ludicrous lack of prowess.

I could lie on a couch with a professional (now there’s a thought) for hours and I’m sure they could delve deep into my past and come up with some reasoning for this gaga behaviour but it wouldn’t really make any difference.

I shook and shivered when I had to do any public speaking for work. And I mean shook and shivered. People commented on my quiver. I took all the advice of trying to imagine the audience naked in order to calm me down. It didn’t and I found it quite distracting when it came to the men.

So why am I training to be a tour guide? Maybe it’s to put myself to the ultimate test and put my demons to rest in my later years.

On our training days I had an Elvis sort of a quiver when I got hold of the microphone. But lo and behold a few days later on a bus trip to the races, and after copious amounts of alcohol, I ran to the top of the bus grabbed the mic and did my Mary Black impersonation. Without a quiver. Maybe wine is the answer.