Ed Sheeran, our glorious leader
FEARS the Irish people would protest at paying for rubbish were put to rest this weekend as the country suffered a collective nervous breakdown trying to buy tickets for Ed Sheeran. In scenes reminiscent of the G20 protests, they gathered at shops and online, determined that nothing would get in the way of them paying their money to see a guy busking, but in a stadium.
It is a sign of our obsession with Ed that he is doing a stadium tour — of Ireland. Most superstars pop in and are happy to do one night in the Aviva, or Croke Park if they’re lucky. But Ed will fill more sports stadiums around the country next summer than the GAA. We are just stopping short of making it mandatory for everyone to go and see Ed Sheeran in 2018.
Our obsession with Ed at this time has even sparked fears that when he comes here, crowds may descend and trap him in his car while Paul Murphy, who may or may not be using a megaphone, may or may not ask people to vote on whether they keep him or let him go. And the crowd will be divided, as the nation is. On one side, there are those who can sing every note of every Ed song, and on the other side, there are those who when they occasionally mistakenly see Ed singing one of his songs, say, “Oh. So that’s who sings that annoying song I’m always hearing on the radio.”
Such is our national frenzy for Ed that there is talk now that if we do end up having another election and if no one wins, that instead of having another minority government, we should ask Ed Sheeran to form a government. Just him and his guitar, obviously,
So why is this guy, who is basically recycling Joan Armatrading’s musical oeuvre via Tracy Chapman, so incredibly popular in Ireland? Obviously there’s the gingerness. Irish people love to see a redhead doing well. There’s a certain feeling that he is getting revenge on the part of all the other marginalised redheads. There is also a vague feeling that Ed reminds us a bit of Brendan Gleeson, or one of his sons. And we all love the Gleesons. There is also a sense that Ed is having revenge on behalf of every guy who ever pulled out a guitar at a student party in Rathmines and subjected people to three hours of Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door. Ed is essentially that guy except he gets paid millions to do it and he gets to sleep with Taylor Swift’s friends.
Ultimately, whether you like Ed Sheeran or not, you have to admit he is bringing the country together in some strange way. And just as Leo is taking the best of the left and the right to bring us all into some kind of bland centre, Ed is taking the best from good music and bad music, and making it into a kind of beige middle zone of music that is neither good nor bad. It just is. And you will sing along.