Kreme crackers... I don’t get doughnut frenzy
‘This current excitement makes no sense at all’
I’M a small bit confused about the whole Krispy Kreme doughnuts excitement. People queuing for hours in their cars in Blanchardstown at the new 24 hours, “drive-thru’’ branch of a doughnut chain that’s arrived from the US. I should start with a disclaimer — I’ve never had a Krispy Kreme doughnut so that may explain my confusion. Perhaps if I had, the excitement would make sense. But in my defence, I’ve most certainly had other doughnuts and they are indeed quite nice, although none have stood out for me as so memorable or delicious that I can recall a favourite brand.
But anyway – I don’t get it. This is the kind of thing we did in the 1980s. We queued for hours when a new local hardware opened, in case they gave us a free box of screws or marginally cheaper emulsion. We got excited when a shop we had vaguely heard of from England or America opened up in a town reachable by a moderately long drive. We bought condoms in record shops. We all went to see the Pope. In our collective defence, it was a terrible time. There was nothing to do. We watched endless ads for liver fluke treatment for cattle on our TVs and we often still made our own clothes. I went out on inter-cert results night wearing only three artfully placed snoods.
If Krispy Kreme had opened in Ireland in the 1980s, it would have been all over the news. Somebody might have fainted outside it from the feverish anticipation and been revived by a priest. People wearing double denim and sporting mullets and thick moustaches would have been interviewed eating doughnuts and giving thumbs ups! Maybe someone would’ve had their wedding photos taken underneath the sign. You cannot judge us. You weren’t there. Or maybe you were — in which case you know I’m right.
But this current excitement makes no sense at all. In the 1980s we had nothing. So if there was a hint of a bit of a diversion we leapt on it. But now you cannot shake a stick without hitting on a global fast food chain. We are coming down with cheap, sugary, high-fat treats at every turn. Now we are blase, nay nonchalant, about wearing overpriced imported American clothes. Indeed, many labels that we salivated over previously have now become passe — which is a relief, as being poured into tiny shorts and t-shirts only suitable for infants in the tropics didn’t really suit us. Large, boxy, smocks from eternally winterish, Nordic countries are much more our speed, truth be told.
Nowadays, I was led to believe, we are jaded with US globalisation. Nowadays, we were told, we want our coffee expertly served by baristas with elaborate facial grooming and our doughnuts made from spelt flour, organic cinnamon and fried in coconut oil with a side of kale. But it seems — as with the marriage equality and the abortion referendums — once again, the Dublin media elite have not had their finger even remotely on the pulse of the plain people of Ireland.
No! It now seems everything we thought we knew, we didn’t! It’s entirely possible that maybe we don’t actually like avocado — it’s slimy and has the texture and taste of a cold boiled frog. We don’t actually enjoy broccoli coffee or Happy Pear “chocolate”. We want DOUGHNUTS! And what’s more, we want them so badly we will queue in our cars through the night in order to get them.
I’m not sure if we even know who we are anymore. Or certainly people like me in the ivory towers of the meeja don’t know who we are anyway. We keep getting us wrong. We keep thinking the plain people of Ireland are more conservative and more pretentious than we actually are. We are in fact much nicer than we are consistently estimated to be.
I have fond memories of doughnuts in the 1980s. My mother used to proof the dough overnight in the hot press and fry them up in the deep fat fryer. They were rolled in sugar while still warm and they were a cheap and incredibly delicious treat. Mind you, we only had them about once a year… things were a lot of trouble when you have to make them from scratch yourself. Maybe the queuing all makes sense.
@ciarakellydoc Ciara presents ‘Lunchtime Live’ on Newstalk weekdays 12-2