A man’s life story is told through his shoes
YOU can mark out the stages in a man’s life by his shoes. One of my first big growth spurts was when I decided to stop wearing brothel creepers. It was a difficult decision to make, and it felt a bit like going straight, but deep down I knew it was time. If you’re Larry Mullen or Gavin Friday you can maybe keep wearing creepers, but for those of us who live in the real world, there comes a time where it no longer works. And god knows I didn’t need the height boost of big crepe soles.
I think that was roughly my induction into my thirties, though it probably happened in my midthirties, which is when I accepted my thirties. I keep one pair of creepers in a box for old times’ sake. They are mint condition suede and they haven’t been worn since I abruptly decided to move on from creepers. I open the box and look at them occasionally when I am doing a clear out, but I still haven’t the heart to get rid of them, to sever that final tie with that person. Creepers saw me through a lot of madness and rock and roll. I even got married in creepers. And however straight I go, I need to remember that that person is who I am as well, and his soul is still there inside me somewhere, buried under, at this stage, a lot of bullshit.
The next time those creepers come out will probably be for some kind of fancy dress, and I will tell my kids that I used to wear these shoes for real once, not in inverted commas or ironically — although, in reality, I suppose there was a level of irony there.
They will look at me wide-eyed and marvel that once, before they were even thought of, my life was lived in fancy dress.
After that I still didn’t quite get the hang of regular shoes. Leather shoes I never got. I don’t think I ever will. Leather shoes are what someone’s dad wears, or businessmen. Suede presents its own challenges in this climate and some people appear to associate suede shoes with being some class of pervert, but still I persist. In the last few years I realised I needed to ditch the Clarks Original Wallabees. It’s hard to describe how it happens, but one day you just wake up and you realise ‘these are not for me any more’. Sure, Noel Gallagher still wears them, but seriously, who wants to be like Noel Gallagher? I’ve also had to ditch desert boots in favour of a more refined suede boot. I’ve even been dabbling in a Chelsea boot at times. Not in a rock ’n’ roll way, you understand. More in an Italian way.
All of this has come to mind because I think I’m on the verge of making another leap forward shoe wise. Brace yourselves, but I think I’m going to get into loafers. Specifically, I think I’m going to get into those soft, driving shoe, moccasin-style suede loafers.
I know, I know, but hear me out. Firstly there’s the comfort thing. Say when I walk into work in trainers (the evolution of the trainers a man wears is a whole other piece. Maybe even a book). Then I get there and put on a pair of suede boots. But what I actually want to put on is a pair of slippers. Obviously you can’t do that at work. But what are driving shoe loafers if not a fancy pair of slippers?
The truth is I’ve had a pair for years that I wear only on holidays in hot countries. But I feel now I’m ready to integrate them into real life. I am on the verge of another growth spurt. I think I am about to make one of my once-in-a-decade leaps forward. I feel that over the next couple of years, as I head up to 50, I am going to move to a new stage. And I feel it will be one of comfort. And somehow, loafers seem like the appropriate shoe for this next stage. Maybe because I won’t need to bend over to tie the laces.
Though I’ll be sticking with the suede obvs. I haven’t quite turned into anyone’s dad yet.