It’s a boy! But not just any boy…

THE Duke (or Hardworking Harry as I like to call him) and Duchess of Sussex (who, annoyingly, no one except me refers to as ‘Meggles’) have announced the arrival of their first child. Yes, another #RoyalBaby has arrived to briefly distract us from the fact that our governments, economic system, and planet are FUBARRED. Not to worry! Cue the headlines — Everything we know about Harry and Meghan’s first baby! Harry over the moon! Congratulations pour in… etc. We should be used to the royal rigmarole by now, after all walking blow-dry Kate Middlebum has given us three #Royalbabies already. But hold on! Harry and Meghan are the “new breed” of royals and they, we’re told, do things differently. Just think back to their totally different to every other over-the-top royal wedding last year which completely broke tradition by being a very low-key televised event for 600 close friends and family (and cost £2m BEFORE factoring in security). How modern! You can expect just as radical an approach from Harry and Meggles when it comes to rearing their first born.

The little tyke will go to a school surrounded by kids from all walks of life. He’ll earn his way into college with hard work and good grades and no help from his family, paying his tuition fees by working in a crappy pub for minimum wage just so he can afford accommodation the size of a pizza box, before graduating and starting working life saddled with debt. Or perhaps the seventh-in-line to the throne will be raised in unimaginable wealth and unchecked privilege as his Da and never have to work a day in his life.

Still, let’s not dwell on that shall we? Look, they have an Instagram account!