Ireland’s best health columnist, Dr Maurice Gueret
We are keen as ever to bless throats with Blaise’s candles and rub caustic ash on foreheads, but Maurice Gueret wonders why Irish men won’t sit for poo tests
Blaise’s day
The Blessing of the Throats was a big event at my alma mater. All the boys, hoarse or not, were marched to the draughty chapel on February 3, to have their windpipes and gullets compressed by a robed priest bearing two giant candles. I thought it would have made a great entry for the school in the annual Young Scientist Exhibition, but the high priests weren’t encouraging. I’d have exempted half my class from the candles, and asked the blessed and unblessed to record any throat symptoms for 12 months. The name of St Blaise was invoked. He was a 4th Century Armenian cave-dweller, who cured a choking boy by praying for the release of a fishbone in his throat. Bishop Blaise was a medical doctor in the early part of his life, so it’s possible that the real method behind his cure was some form of Heimlich manoeuvre that was lost in translation. The throat of Bishop Blaise himself wasn’t so fortunate. He was beheaded by local cynics in the year 316 for not renouncing his faith.
Hot ash
The 40 days of Easter were troubling on the health front this year. On Ash Wednesday, we had more of these headburning incidents, which have grown in recent times. Cases of severe discomfort after wet ashes were applied to the forehead were reported at a secondary school in Co Kildare. And in England, more than 80 pupils and teachers at a Catholic school suffered facial burns when the ceremonial ashes went rogue. Some even had to attend emergency departments. It would appear that adding water to the ashes of palm leaves that are old and have been burned at too-high a temperature can create a caustic mixture. There may now be a growing case for obtaining ashes from a fresh plant, and not from the previous year’s Palm Sunday specimen. The wiser priest might also test home-made ashes on his own sensitive skin before administering them to his flock.
Egg dispensers
Some pharmacy chains came in for an ear-bashing on social media over Easter for placing so many chocolate eggs and bunnies in front of their medicine counters during Lent. A fellow pharmacist didn’t beat about the bush and called the practice ‘depressing’. He said: “Behind the wall of chocolate is someone who trained for five years to be a health professional. Toffee Crisp with your insulin, Mr Murphy?” Other pharmacists were appalled that as the profession looks to expand its role in healthcare, some stores are like ‘Trotters trading’, doing the work of the sugar industry at Easter and Christmas. The practice has been termed the ‘Americanisation of pharmacy’. Let’s hope it isn’t, or they’ll be selling cigarettes at the counter next.
Injurious tools
We are in peak bank-holiday season in Ireland, a nation with more holiday Mondays than banks. The growth of German discounters with their weekly tool specials has encouraged many shoppers to take up DIY, and doctors know that bank holidays are when they are busiest after domestic mishaps. Some interesting home-accident figures recently emerged from the UK. Men are four times more likely to fall off ladders than women. And that’s not all they fall off. In one year, over 4,300 needed hospital treatment for falling off furniture. Men are six times more likely to injure themselves with lawnmowers, perhaps reflecting the fact that grass-cutting remains a male domain. Drills and other power tools caused almost 5,000 NHS hospital admissions a year, which would suggest they could cause about 500 here.
Poo poo
The male fondness for newfangled equipment doesn’t extend to putting personal poo on a stick and sending it by freepost to the nice people at BowelScreen. Men and women aged between 60 and 69 have been entitled to a free bowel cancer screening test for the last number of years. But six out of every 10 who receive letters offering a free test kit are not replying. I’d hazard a guess that sending the test kit in advance of a yes might improve the uptake where men are concerned. As a rule, we like fiddly things to do, but dislike formal letters requesting that we call freephone numbers. Perhaps there is a valid reason why tests aren’t sent out willynilly. There’s an excellent little video on the BowelScreen web page which, in two minutes, demonstrates just how easy the screening test is to do. I’m still a good few years off the age bracket, but I can’t wait for the chance to go.