‘All endings are also beginnings. We just don’t know it at the time...’
Helen Steele — artist and fashion designer “Walk it off. Get out in nature. Even just stand under a tree and try to ground yourself. And most important; don’t badmouth your partner in front of your kids. Pick one person to confide in that you trust and talk to them.” Deborah Veale — fashion designer “My divorce was a long time ago but I think what got me through was our daughter Sorcha; when you have children to consider, they really do put things into sharp perspective.
The job as parent comes first and although it may be difficult and at times might seem impossible, it’s vital to realise that striving to have a good relationship with their other parent is more important for them and their development. Even though the relationship/marriage may be over, if there are children, their needs after a breakup become even more important. Family and friends also played a huge part in supporting us through the tough times.” Mari O’Leary — business owner “Sadly divorce is structured around blame and both parties start pitching accusations at each other. With legal teams involved this can escalate to an unimaginable level. Under current law, this can last for three to four years, which can really take its toll emotionally.
“Having someone to really listen was hugely important to me; my sister, friends and a counsellor, someone I was able to share what I was feeling and experiencing with. I didn’t necessarily need advice but speaking about what was happening helped create greater clarity and kept my confidence up.
“When there are children, you are instinctively protecting them as well as yourself, so being open about the challenges with someone willing to listen was
the most valuable resource I had. The shortening of the time between separation and divorce, I believe will make a massive difference and save a lot of emotional hurt. Also changing the process so it limits blame where possible and allows people to simply acknowledge the relationship is over, settle matters and move on.” Yvonne Keating — cook and broadcaster “Family and friends. I have a big group of girlfriends who supported me. Cecilia Ahern and Lisa Duffy are particularly funny women and when things were at their most serious and saddest, they would say something hilarious and have us all crying laughing.” Kate Gunn — author and head of social media @every_mum “It’s the little things that make a big traumatic event just about bearable. Things like a cobweb-busting walk down a windswept beach; tears and salty sea spray combining so that you don’t know whether you’re crying or nature is lamenting your woes on your behalf. A boxset of Downton Abbey by an open fire, glass of red wine and chocolate to hand. Children and their emotions mercifully fast asleep. Yoga. Stretching your mind and body in directions it’s never been before — showing you that you can still grow and develop. Cups of tea by the Aga in your childhood home, making it clear that although everything has changed, some things somehow never will.
“In the weeks immediately following my marriage breakdown, I myself was broken. It was the first time I held up my hands and allowed myself to be carried. My family guided me through those first terrible weeks.
“I was a shell of myself, completing the necessary daily tasks on autopilot — doing the school run, ticking off work tasks, putting dinner on the table — but I wasn’t fully present in any way. I operated in a half-filled haze of non-reality, going where others nudged me.
“Until I began to come to, finally able to begin building myself back up one small, simple moment at a time. A walk, a quiet night by the telly, a story shared with an old friend. Little by little, I inched myself forward, cautiously, until one day I looked back and realised I’d made it through.”