Late night bargains? I’ll drink to that!

IT’S happening again. Despite promises to self with regard to buying online late at night when slightly inebriated, or maybe majorly inebriated, the recidivism in me wins out and everything looks absolutely divine. And cheap, so let’s buy a few. In different colours.

My hairdresser showed me a dress she had purchased online the other day. Barbie in her heyday couldn’t have squeezed into it. We’ve decided that they make one decent looking version of each outfit. One that swings flatteringly on the model. The material looks good and unwrinkled and the shade is appealing. And then what arrives in the post is a skimpy, wrinkled, neon piece of pure crap. The material is cheap and nasty and used sparingly to save on cost. It arrives in a ball of wrinkles that never come out. And I stand helplessly in front of the mirror endeavouring to resemble the skinny model. And it just doesn’t work. I look like her older, fatter sister in ridiculously ill-fitting gear.

A slightly drunken purchase arrived the other day. A supposedly floaty black top that should have covered my gut and bum amply, it didn’t go beyond my bum and the material was completely see through. I looked like an elderly, overweight slapper. There were threads hanging out everywhere and so were all my bits.

So if someone could put an alert on phones that would flash lights and warning messages when you attempt to go on to clothes websites after a certain hour, it would be great. A message that would say “You drunken eejit, none of these cheap, nasty outfits are going to go within an ass’s roar of you. Put your card away”. Come to think of it, that alert would want to be there all day. I often go for liquid lunches.