Sometimes it’s not what is said, but why

OF all the snippets of overheard conversation, rarely had I come across such a complete gem. One man was talking to another and said, with a knowing chuckle, “She is the only one of my exes that my current wife actually likes”.

In terms of words it was clear. In terms of subtext it was loaded. A remark like that is an intimacy of sorts, a personal thing — but if you’re referring to your “current spouse” by job title rather than by name, it suggests the person you’re talking to is not an intimate.

So purely as regards to information exchange it is an odd thing to be saying to an acquaintance. The subtext seemed to be something along the lines of “I know you’re younger and a lot taller than me but I am a tremendous hit with the wimmin. There have been so many indeed that it has required a degree of wrangling”.

Saying someone is “The only one of my exes” that a wife likes suggests that the wife knows all the exes, or at least a goodly portion.

Am I alone in thinking that it is weird that your spouse would know all of your exes? Of course some people do have great friendships with exes, they’re all pally with the new partner and everyone is so secure they don’t wonder about comparisons or lingering feelings. But most people just don’t. Exes are Facebook friends, not dinner guests.

However, the real sting in that sentence was calling the wife “current”. For a start if there were previous wives, why the need to flag that? Plus the whole effect of the use of “current” is to suggest this wife will not be the last.

It was such a simple sentence, but one where the unsaid was louder than the words. And it said, that this was an inadequate little man.