Browser beware
The Stefanie Preissner column
Is it just me or does anyone else think they have an unhealthy relationship with online shopping? I’m starting to think my dependence and bond with about 60pc of the high-street shops out there is toxic. Like any relationship, it started out fairly innocently, but quickly spiralled into something much darker and insidious.
My downward spiral started with the altruistic act of looking for a wedding present for a couple I’m not even very friendly with, but whose wedding invite came in the post like a summons in my door. I reiterate my intolerance of weddings and the fact that, just because you’re getting married, I have to reassess my monthly budget and outgoings. Anyway, scrooge rant over. I was online, innocently scrolling and swiping, trying to find something that financially matched how excited I was about these two getting hitched. I’m probably not allowed to name the websites I went to, but they were a selection of department stores, home-decor sites and high-street stores that offer a ‘home’ section. After visiting eight to 12 of them, I settled on an armchair. I can hear you, dear reader, thinking that an armchair is a ridiculous present to buy someone. I don’t disagree with you. But this wedding invite came with a list (a list!) of ‘inspiration items’ that we, the pleb invitees, could choose from and the armchair was one of the only things left that didn’t cost over €300.
Having purchased the gift, I closed the laptop and exhaled loudly. I felt stressed, stiff and a bit grumpy. I thought about how to cheer myself up. I picked up my phone and had a small heart attack when I saw eight to 12 emails unopened in my inbox. I clicked in. Every single site I had visited had just emailed, thanking me for visiting their site. Evidently I had absent-mindedly clicked ‘accept’ on whatever terms and conditions popped up when browsing and now these stores and I were at the start of our toxic relationship.
These shops know when I’m feeling stressed. I don’t know how, but they do. If I’m ever feeling sad, frustrated, distressed or even tired — if my defences are down — they can sense it, and that’s when they pounce. I’ll be wandering around looking for a salve for my woes and in will pop a discount code. I don’t get to decide when I want to shop anymore. The sites decide for me. I’m an email marketer’s dream. ‘Stefanie, 10 new looks for November’, ‘Stefanie, we miss you, here’s 10pc’, ‘Stef, look what’s just dropped’. I am simply not a strong enough woman to avoid a click trigger when I’m feeling low. Is it just me? I don’t know why but Fomo kicks in and I’m afraid that everyone else in the world will rock into November wearing some new distinctive piece of costume and I’ll be the dope walking around looking all ‘October’. It’s insane, I know, but I’m being honest.
I don’t buy things every time I go online shopping. My spending, actually, isn’t the problem. It’s the amount of time it’s taking from me. As I write this, my web browser is open and little square thumbnails of women in different outfits stare back at me from six websites. I have as much intention of buying as I have wardrobe space, which is to say, none at all. But it’s coming up to the festive season, so I am looking out for things to buy for other people.
I searched my inbox for the word ‘unsubscribe’ recently. That brought up all of the possible emails I could opt out of and I slavishly went through them and clicked to be removed from their mailing list. The problem is, the minute I order from the site again, or maybe even just walk close to their WiFi network, I seem to end up on the list again and revert to being bombarded with offers and coupons to trick me into spending.
It’s like coercive control. I say no, I hold my boundary, but just like a storyline from a Hugh Grant film, these shops think that my no means ‘please continue to harass me and I will eventually say yes’. They match my rejection with discount codes, coupons and offers. They tease me with the things they know I like, they even prey on my generosity and kindness and love of gift-giving.
If, like me, you feel like online shopping is becoming a problem for you — good luck! We’re coming into a season where the emails will be tinsel-framed and frequent. God speed to you all.
“These shops know when I’m feeling stressed, and that’s when they pounce”