Get your revenge shopping kicks in your locality

SINCE Covid-19 arrived into our lives, finances have changed for a lot of people. There are the fortunate ones who have been able to work from home and have not suffered substantial loss. Thankfully I am one of those. There are the many people on the public payroll who have seen the money go into their account as per usual. There are the large businesses which have been able to withstand the changes. And there are the myriad small and medium enterprises, up and down the country, who have had to shut up shop and let their staff go. In normal times, they are the engines that make the money to pay the salaries of many other citizens and provide the services we all enjoy. We need to give them a leg-up as soon as we possibly can.

South Korea coined a term for what happens after the lockdown is lifted. They called it Revenge Shopping. Koreans have missed their favourite pastime and they are apparently hitting the shops as if there was no tomorrow. I am usually not one to endorse overconsumption, but in this instance, I say “good on you”.

Many people are struggling, but there are plenty of people out there with a few bob to spend. Now is the time to do so with a vengeance if you want there to be a High Street in 10 years. I would like to see ‘Shop Local’ written on the euro notes. I might begin writing it myself, if that is not a crime.

No one has bought coffee for months and the fish are probably wondering where all the plastic has gone. Give your keep-cup a wash and spend a few euro. While you are at it, buy someone a bunch of flowers. There are bound to be people out there whose forgiveness you crave and this is a foolproof method. For every piece of clothing you bought on the internet during lockdown, buy something for the same amount in an actual shop where there are real people to talk to. You will need new things because one dull Wednesday you did a great clearout for the charity shop. Every penny you spend is getting your own back on this miserable little virus. Think ‘December’ and shop till you drop.

At the risk of inspiring wrath, in the olden days,

I did enjoy the Joan Rivers line that the only time a woman had an orgasm was when she said “charge it”. After lockdown, the updated version of the joke is that both women and men will experience extreme pleasure when handing over their credit card. Oddly, it no longer works as a joke. I wonder why!

You might ponder this conundrum of changed times while enjoying a meal in a restaurant that is only delighted to be open again after the enforced closure. The tough times will not finish overnight but you can make it sooner rather than later by enjoying some good food cooked for you with a glass of wine that is the normal size again. Be honest. You are fed up with home cooking.

And then there is the barber. There is a lovely woman in John Street in Kilkenny who not only cuts my hair but tells me I look wonderful. I believe her and she is worth every penny. Since I last visited her I have become a lot shaggier and am looking more like Chuck Leavell (the keyboard player in the Rolling Stones) every day. I am sure Chuck is in good health but I would be happy to understudy. The Stones need new young blood. I suspect that getting my hair cut would ruin my chances.

This was the year I was going to buy that longdesired pick-up truck. I have the jeans, boots, checked shirts and lined face. I just need the expensive bit. I might have to join a Country band instead.

‘Joan Rivers said, the only time a woman has an orgasm is when she says “charge it”’