We need to talk about that patronising tampon ad

IKNOW we are in the midst of a pandemic, but can we please talk about the new Tampax ‘Tampons & Tea’ ad? If you haven’t seen it, blessed be. If you have, welcome to group therapy. It’s likely you are experiencing PTSD from what you witnessed. You are not alone.

The premise of the campaign is this — we are on a cheap daytime TV chat show set. The host is a regular lass, with curves and a northern English accent — I bet she loves chocolate and shoes. So relatable! The only guest is a timid dimwit who doesn’t seem to know why she’s there. Sadly, she also doesn’t know how to use a tampon. This is a common problem apparently — tampons causing discomfort — not what you need when you’re also dealing with blood, cramps, nausea, headaches and bloating.

But let me assure you the issue is not flawed product design — it’s women! Yeah, just us dummies with our funny bodies being silly billies again. Thankfully, the host is here to explain that to stop tampons hurting, you need to insert “not just the tip” but “up to the grip!” She concludes the demo by shouting her catchphrase “You’ve got to get them up there, girls!” Cue a faint smile from dimwit and canned applause from the non-existent audience.

I understand what they are trying to do — demystify, open up a conversation and most of all, flog tampons, but they end up patronising instead. It’s as authentic as dispensing drops of unidentified blue liquid from a pipette into a panty liner to prove its absorbency.

They could have saved time and embarrassment with a straight public service announcement and spent the millions this cost to find a cure for period pain or just make a better product.