Learning to let go

My old Buddhist teacher used to say to me: “Alison, you must stop grasping at life, it’s causing you so much pain and suffering.” Then the old defensive shield would pop up. Me? Grasping? I don’t think so — after all, I’m on a bloody retreat, sitting in silence, surely that gives me some special credits here on my spiritual journey? On reflection, I could see that not only was I grasping, but clinging on for dear life. I was so deeply trapped in my pain and problems that they had become my identity. If I stripped them away, who was I and what was left? This happens to so many of us in this life: our identity is built on stories about ourselves that we pick up along the way or labels that we inherit from our parents, teachers and friends. The idea of relinquishing control is terrifying, so we stay stuck in patterns and behaviours that very often don’t serve our purpose and happiness. Learning to dance with the unknown and working in alignment with the law of nature (which basically means that everything is always changing) means that we loosen our grip and give ourselves space to breathe and be. This space is where the magic happens, and learning to let go is the key to freedom.

As I loosened my grip and allowed life in, I realised there was nothing to fear and everything to gain. Even when I fell deep into valleys, I looked up, excited to get back up there, but happy for the rest and lessons at the bottom, too. When you are on a roller coaster, you can enjoy the ride or grip tightly with your eyes closed and miss the entire journey. Right now, life feels like a gigantic roller coaster, so I say buckle up and enjoy the ride.