GINA LONDON HELPS YOU TO GET AHEAD AT WORK,
ON THIS Valentine’s Day I would like to give you a hug. But, of course, amidst pandemic lockdown, I cannot. I recently watched a video posted by Idiro Analytics co-founder Geraldine Magnier. The first thing you notice is that she’s blindfolded. She stands to one side of Dublin’s pedestrian-only Grafton Street. Her black, maxiskirt flutters in a light breeze. Her arms, wrapped in long-sleeves, are extended Christ-like. She’s sacrificing her guard, her personal-space, and perhaps even her pride as she offers herself up to be hugged. By strangers.
It was an experiment she devised as part of a business course on leadership and emotional intelligence. The video was recorded in 2019. Our last year of in-person hugs. I was moved to tears.
“I wanted to sharpen my saw around leadership and courage as we were growing our business,” Ger explained by phone.
“We were moving too slowly and cautiously in my opinion. We were being shy and hiding our light under a bushel.”
So, much like Cork’s six-year-old Adam King, who continues to brighten our spirits with his virtual hugs, Ger made a decision to freely give the real thing. “I trust you, do you trust me?” read the sign at her feet.
Her husband, Aidan Connolly, co-founder and CEO of Idiro, manned the video camera. Their then four-year-old son stood quietly by his mother’s side, tugging an edge of her skirt.
As I watch, I’m struck by how many people clearly notice her and seem to understand her intention by her ready-to-embrace gesture, but pass by. Are they nervous? Embarrassed? Can’t be bothered? What are they thinking?
Then Ger leans over, still blindfolded, and giving her little skirt-clenching son a reassuring hug we’re off.
STEP OUT IN COMPASSION
A teenager walks over. The pony-tailed girl emerges from the embrace with a sheepish smile on her face. The post-millennial members of Gen Z are considered the most connected, and by some reports, the most stressed generation, yet this girl took a chance and went first.
Since most of us are feeling stressed, make a pledge to take a chance and go first when you notice an opportunity to connect. Don’t walk on by literally or figuratively. Reach out in compassion. The meaning of compassion is to recognise the suffering of others and then take action to help.
The Dalai Lama said: “If you want to be happy, be compassionate. If you want others to be happy, be compassionate.”
Dr James Doty, founder and director of Stanford’s Centre for Compassion and Altruism Research Education, underscores the need for compassion during this time of stress.
“One of the challenges in a stressful environment is how you respond to the situation,” he says, “One way to mitigate your response is to count to six before you respond.”
Often, our tendency is to act in accordance with our initial thought. “I don’t know that lady, I’m going to keep going.” “I can’t be bothered.”
Last Wednesday, a new person reached out to me on LinkedIn, writing: “I decided to take the plunge... is there any chance of you mentoring me?” My immediate thought was, “I’m too busy”. But I waited. I wrote back later in the day that I would ask my scheduler to set up a 15-minute Zoom call in hopes that I can become more compassionate to the feelings of the writer.
When you receive an email with news you don’t like or are handed a project that triggers a sudden overwhelming surge, do you succumb to the feeling, or do you push through to give yourself time to compose yourself ?
“When you pause, it gives you time to reflect and control your physiological reactions,” reminds Dr Doty.
POSSIBILITIES, NOT LIMITATIONS
The second person to approach Ger is a woman wearing a wheat-coloured, pleated skirt. She remarks to her companion: “Why not?”
Great question. And one that is tipped in favour of a positive outcome.
When you focus on possibilities and not limitations, or even failure, you’re more likely to take that first step.
Earlier this past week, I spoke to the managing director of a large health care business based in the Netherlands. When I inquired how his teams were faring during remote working, I was startled by his bleak response. “They’ve completely lost their empathy,” he replied.
“Why?” I probed.
“Because they’re drained of energy and compassion,” came the answer.
“Then, let’s create an event that helps them recapture their belief in potential and possibilities,” I urged.
“Why not?”
Good response. Overdue, I’d argue, but at
least we’re now moving in the right direction. I’ll keep you posted!
COMPASSION IS CONTAGIOUS
Ger’s hug video runs for just over eight minutes during which she is hugged by more than three dozen women, men and even some children. By the end, a crowd has gathered and there are
plenty of smiles. Ger told me that many people whispered to her as they embraced. “Thank you for doing this”. Or “I needed this”, people told her.
“I learned a valuable lesson,” Ger said. “I learned showing compassion is not giving of me, it’s re-energising me because I’m giving back to what life has already given me.”
Today, neither Ger nor I nor little Adam King
can give you a real hug. But each of us can give our compassion a refresh. Happy Valentine’s Day.
Go first when you see an opportunity to connect