RACHEL ALLEN: ‘MY HEART WAS BREAKING’
The celebrity chef opens up on how her son’s troubles hit home
Rachel Allen has credited the kindness of strangers with keeping her going during her family’s high-profile difficulties over the past two years.
Speaking for the first time since her eldest son Joshua (21) made headlines for drugs charges, the celebrity chef and Sunday Independent columnist described the “constant worry” of being a parent and “the anxiety and stress of trying to keep the show on the road”.
“You know the amount of people who have written to me, and sent letters and cards and prayers and religious medals... I could get emotional now just thinking about it,” she said.
“The kindness of people has been extraordinary and I have literally kept every single one. I have a box full of letters and cards and I have taken such comfort from them. I carry some of the [medals] in my wallet now too.
“That’s what I try and focus on — because of course there is also the huge worry and anxiety and stress of literally just trying to keep the show on the road and to keep everything OK — and most importantly to keep our children
OK.”
Asked how it felt to have her family’s personal difficulties splashed across the headlines, she said: “It was horrible really. There is no other way to put it. You just feel so exposed.
“I feel so bad for my children that it [her career in the public eye] is a factor in their lives and growing up. I do.
I feel really bad about that.”
The 49-year-old chef is married to Isaac Allen, a son of Darina Allen, founder of the Ballymaloe Cookery School. The couple have three children, Joshua, Lucca and Scarlett.
During the most difficult days of the last two years, she said: “It felt like my heart was breaking, because I was trying to protect my first-born [Joshua], who was my baby — and I’d not just the public to face, but the law as well.
“So anyone who has been through anything like that could understand 100 per cent.
“It’s a constant worry being a parent anyway. You are constantly worrying about your child’s happiness and safety and health — so when something rocks one or two or three of those areas in a child’s life, it just rocks you. It can really unsteady you.
“None of us are ever through parenting 100 per cent, you know?
“At what point do you say, ‘Oh, that’s great now’? There is no point you can say that. Even my mum still worries about her children, and her grandchildren.”
Rachel, who will be appearing on RTÉ’s Today Show as a special guest presenter every Tuesday this month, said that she is reluctant to speak for Joshua, because “I want to protect him” and “I feel it’s his privacy”.
But she added: “There is loads I would love to say. He is trying to learn the right way. He is the kindest guy you will ever meet. He is the gentlest soul you will ever meet. He loves animals and he is such a sweetheart — but then I fear that if I say that I will get another barrage of comments thrown at me. Isn’t that awful?
“I am not condoning what was done. I don’t want people to think I am saying what happened is OK.”
In February 2020, Joshua was jailed for 15 months, with another 15 months
suspended, after pleading guilty to possession of cannabis for sale or supply to others in August 2018. He also pleaded guilty to possession of a small amount of cocaine on the same occasion, and also to possession of cannabis in September 2018.
Last June, he was given temporary release from prison after serving six months. He was subsequently arrested in September 2020 for alleged drug driving after crashing a Range Rover Evoque. A file is being prepared for the DPP. He has also spent time in rehabilitation for addiction treatment.
Although she posts cooking tips and videos on her Instagram account, Rachel said she tries to steer clear of other social media platforms.
“There have been so many negative things written on Twitter. There were even people writing things online the night before last, when it was announced that I was going to be doing one day a week on the Today Show.
“And then a dear lovely friend said to me: ‘Of course you are not focusing on the 99.9pc positive comments.’
“But yeah, I guess that people who say these things should try and put on someone else’s shoes.”
On other families who might be going through similar struggles to hers, she said: “You’d love to say ‘this too shall pass’. That can be very comforting, and you just hope it will — but sometimes it doesn’t. So what advice would I give? Just know that you are not alone.”
On whether she had considered withdrawing from public life, she said: “Yeah, sometimes one can think, ‘Oh I just want to hide under a rock,’ or, ‘Maybe I should just stay out of the public eye’ — and then you go and do a cookery demonstration and you meet the loveliest, loveliest people, and I love interacting with people.”
One thing she has taken from her family’s difficulties is “just to appreciate how many people did take a moment out of their day to write words of support and kindness — and to remember that I mustn’t forget to do the same for others too when they need it.
“No one really knows what is going on in anyone else’s private life.”