Mrs Brown’s Boys star says returning to scene where ex abused her was like ‘kick in the stomach’
Eilish O’Carroll also recalls the difficulty of having to tell her two sons she was a lesbian
Actress and Mrs Brown’s Boys star Eilish O’Carroll has spoken of the “huge shame” she felt as a victim of domestic violence in her first marriage, and said she blamed herself for what happened.
The 71-year-old left her first marriage eight years into a physically and psychologically abusive relationship. She married her first husband in 1971 and they had two sons, Stuart and Lee.
In an emotional interview with Brendan Courtney on RTÉ’s Keys to my Life, which airs tonight, the popular actress — who plays Winnie in Mrs Brown’s Boys — said she sought support at the time, but there was no women’s refuge available.
Standing in the house she once shared with her abuser, in Reading, England, O’Carroll said it was “very peculiar” to be back where she suffered such torment during the 1970s.
“It doesn’t have an awful lot of happy memories,” she said. Asked by Courtney what happened to make it such an unhappy place, she said: “It was a very abusive relationship.”
O’Carroll said her emotions are “very hard to put into words” because of the experiences which “you end up burying”.
“You had to survive. This is in the 1970s when nobody talked about stuff like that. There certainly was no help. And I know that for a fact, because I tried. There was no refuge. There was nowhere.”
At the time she was “very reluctant” to admit what was happening because “there was a huge amount of shame around that”.
“Anyone who is in an abusive situation does find themselves owning it. Blaming themselves. What did I do? What did I say? What’s wrong with me? That someone would want to do that...” she said, before her voice breaks, adding it was “not a pleasant time”.
On returning to the home she once shared with her ex-husband, she said it feels like “somebody has just kicked me in the stomach”.
“Your head has let go. Intellectually, you have rationalised things, but your body is where it has taken the pain,” said O’Carroll.
“What I am feeling here is a huge amount of sadness. I was a sad woman then. I can feel that and I don’t want to feel sad because I am a very upbeat person.”
She eventually left the marriage and for three years she struggled as a single mother, taking part-time bar jobs to make ends meet.
She then got married for a second time. While in the happy relationship, O’Carroll’s life took a “cataclysmic turn”.
“I mean, how do you tell your sons your mother is a lesbian?” she said on the show. The change in direction of her life happened as she approached her 40th birthday.
“I always say 40 can be a very dangerous time for women. I met a woman and I fell in love with a woman — I didn’t plan to. That would have major consequences on my family and my life,” she said.
Her biggest worry was breaking the news to her sons. “How do you tell your sons, ‘listen, I want you to sit down now and here is a cup of tea and… by the way… your mother is a lesbian’. I couldn’t even get the words out,” said O’Carroll.
“The only person I spoke to was my [second] husband and he was very supportive, although he knew in his heart that it was going to mean big changes for us as a couple. I am always grateful for that.”
Speaking about her new partner, she said: “My feelings for her were undermining my feelings for him. If I could have both I probably would have. But you can’t. So that’s when I ran away to Ireland to hide.”
Now sharing her time between a cottage in west Cork and her home in Dublin, O’Carroll is in a new longterm relationship with another woman.
Following the success of Mrs Brown’s Boys, which was picked up by the BBC and became the station’s most watched comedy of the 21st century, she said: “I have been able to spoil my boys. I have been able to help them out financially. I say: ‘I wasn’t able to give it you when you were younger, but I am now in a position where I can and I will and I will continue to do so.’”
‘Keys to my Life’ returns tonight on RTÉ One at 7.30pm