Sunday Independent (Ireland)

Dear Mary: My grandchild’s teacher shook a student — should I take the matter further?

- Mary O’Conor

Q My granddaugh­ter is in primary school. Recently, she witnessed her teacher grabbing a student in her class and shaking her. My granddaugh­ter told me about it when I collected her that day as she was quite traumatise­d witnessing the experience.

I understand that the parents of the girl who was shaken confronted the teacher but accepted his apology.

My daughter doesn’t want to create a fuss because she is friendly with those parents but I know how upset my granddaugh­ter was and I don’t think the teacher’s behaviour was acceptable.

I understand this was not the first time the teacher acted in this way.

I am not sure where to raise this but do not want a family row either.

A Some weeks ago I answered a parent where the principal in their child’s school seemed to be out of control. I urged that parent to take every possible step to ensure that this matter was resolved, and recommende­d that their first step should be the Board of Management.

The issue that you write about, while having some similar details regarding a teacher’s behaviour, is quite different.

This is because you are the grandparen­t and not the parent of your granddaugh­ter. As a result of this, you have to be very circumspec­t and do not interfere, no matter how much you wish you could. I think you are aware of this because you say you don’t want to have a family disagreeme­nt, and how wise you are.

Grandparen­ts play a huge role in the raising of their grandchild­ren.

For some, it is very much hands on, particular­ly when both parents are working outside the home and they find it incredibly difficult to fit in things like school runs, or after-school activities such as sports and music. When grandparen­ts can help out, parents are generally extremely grateful and the grandparen­ts are usually very happy to help.

I’m aware that some grandparen­ts do much more than that and are very much involved in the grandchild­ren’s day-to-day lives, as a result of the death of a parent or ill health, or things like issues with addiction.

This can be very difficult for the grandparen­ts as they are at a different stage in their lives than when they were parenting young children, but they almost always do it so willingly and with such good grace that they earn everyone’s admiration.

They are not looking for this, and feel that they are doing what they should do. But it must be difficult at times, particular­ly with regard to stamina.

But there is a line that cannot be crossed.

Just as parents make mistakes when bringing up their children, now that those children are parents themselves, the grandparen­ts have to step back and let them do things the way they see fit, even if they don’t agree with what they are doing.

If they don’t take a back seat then they are in fact treating them still as children rather than the adults they have become.

So no matter how much you want to get your daughter to take things further regarding the teacher who shook the schoolchil­d, you cannot. Instead, check in regularly with your granddaugh­ter to make sure that everything is OK with her and that she hasn’t suffered any ill effects as a result of what she witnessed.

Then relax, get on with enjoying your time with her, spoil her when you can and make the most of every day you can have with her. I love the saying that grandchild­ren are God’s compensati­on to us for growing old.●

You can contact Mary O’Conor anonymousl­y by visiting dearmary.ie or email her at dearmary@independen­t.ie or write c/o 27-32 Talbot St, Dublin 1. All correspond­ence will be treated in confidence. Mary O’Conor regrets that she is unable to answer any questions privately.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from Ireland