Peter the great always had words of wisdom
THE SELECTION OF MICHAEL PARKINSON’S OLD INTERVIEWS ON BBC FOUR ARE A TREAT TO WATCH
THERE’S an occasional series running late at night on BBC Four television. It’s a thoroughly enjoyable selection of Michael Parkinson’s best interviews with the great and the good — all of them long gone to the studio in the sky.
I suspect many viewers do not know who these celebrities are, even though they were stars of the screen and the radio 20 years ago. As the Latin proverb reminds us, sic, transit gloria mundi — worldly glories pass quickly.
One of the interviews profiled the late Peter Ustinov, a gifted storyteller who seemed at home anywhere in the world. Many of Ustinov’s stories have stayed with me even though it has been 20 years since his death.
Like the time he visited his Russian Grandfather. His grandfather was an elderly, educated and cultured man. He took a great interest in the young Peter so that he could pass on a lifetime of knowledge in a few days.
The summer then was hot. Flies were everywhere. The doddering grandfather explained in great detail what evils flies brought. They contaminated food. They hopped from person to person, bringing illness to everyone.
Flies were dangerous and must be eliminated. So, the old man took a fly squat and, with all the energy he could muster — which wasn’t much — began to make harmless swipes at the flies.
His movement was so slow that every self-respecting fly flew to safety long before the squat reached it.
FAMILY
The young Ustinov then fancied himself as a tennis player. He took the squat from his grandfather. Ustinov swatted hordes of flies to death with great vigour and even greater accuracy.
The grandfather couldn’t contain his disgust. He grabbed the swat back from the young man and again feebly swiped toward the flies.
Ustinov asked him why he was swatting so feebly since these dastardly flies had to be killed. The old man’s answer contained wisdom and knowledge that only years of experience can bring.
He said: “It is better that we all be a little sick than that you learn to kill too well.”
Ustinov told another story about an elderly Jewish man who wanted to leave Russia to join his family in Israel.
He packed his belongings into a modest suitcase. He came to the Russian guards in the customs area at Moscow airport as he was leaving. They went through everything in his case. Before they did, the old man quietly and preciously removed a bust from his case. He peeled the many layers of protective covering he had put around the bust to reveal a perfect sculpture of Lenin, who had by now fallen from grace The Russian guard asked him, “What’s that?”
REMINDER
The old man told him, “You should not say ‘What’s that?’ You should say, ‘Who’s that?’ That is Lenin. The greatest socialist that ever lived in this world. The man to whom we owe every good thing we have in Russia. I am leaving this land forever, but I want to bring with me a reminder of the greatest Russian leader of all time.”
The guard closed his eyes and let the old man take his beloved statue with him.
When he arrived in Israel, the Israeli guard went through his case.
This time, the old man again willingly showed Lenin’s bust. Once again, he peeled off the protective wrapping.
“What’s that?” asked the Israeli guard.
“Do not say ‘What’s that?’ Say rather, ‘Who is that?’ That is that scoundrel Lenin, the man who was the scourge of my life. I have left Russia, but I take this man with me to remind me never to return to Russia again. Lenin destroyed my life and the lives of my compatriots.”
The Israeli guard was sympathetic to the old man’s feelings and allowed him through. The old man settled in quickly with his relatives.
His grandson was now talking to him shyly. One day, the old man showed Lenin’s statue to his grandson. His grandson asked: “Who’s that?”
“Do not say who is that?” said the grandfather. “You must say, ‘What is that?’ That is my life’s fortune. It was the only way I could safely take 8kgs of solid gold with me from Russia.”
And as Ustinov was quick to tell us, everything depends on your point of view.