My daughter is leaning on us too much

DEAR MAURA

Our only daughter’s marriage has broken down. He left. They have a threeyear-old daughter. This all happened about six weeks ago, at least that’s when we heard about it.

The reason I’m writing is that I don’t know how to cope with my daughter’s anger and sadness. She had this beautiful life and now it’s all fallen apart through no fault of her own. She is staying with us at the weekends.

I go over to her during the week to help out with our granddaughter. Her dad does bits around the house, and we are doing our best. But this has taken over our lives.

I know I sound selfish but it’s every day of the week and we are both exhausted emotionally from it all.

I can’t ask her not to come over at the weekend or to suggest she tries to relax in her own home. Her dad had a bypass last year and I worry about him too. We’re in our late sixties and while we want to help, we need some time to ourselves. How do parents cope when these difficult family situations?

Your daughter is leaning on you in these early days, desperately holding on to the one support she knows she can rely on. Of course, she doesn’t see the toll it’s taking on both of you because she’s full of her own pain, and all sorts of emotions.

Have you had a chance to sit down with her and talk to her about what happened or just to help her talk, on any level, about her experiences?

At some point she is going to have to try to stay in her home for a full week. Perhaps you or your husband could stay with her the odd night and slowly try to help her take back some control of her life.

Surely her ex comes to see his daughter. This would give her some time to herself, just to work out how to move forward.

What about friends? Everyone should try to help her take back her independence.