I CAN’T LOOK AT MYSELF ON SCREEN!

Kristen Stewart opens up about new steamy role, as well as her most iconic, and why she’s no longer afraid to make mistakes. By Saoirse Hanley

KRISTEN Stewart has been acting since she was nine years old, but her name became a household one when she played the ever-awkward Bella Swan in 2008 teen vampire flick, Twilight. It would be easy for her to look back on a role like that with embarrassment or disdain, but for Kristin, every part she plays becomes part of the fabric of her being.

“The experiences and memories I have tied with characters stay with you to some degree. As much as those memories aren’t necessarily mine, they make me who I am. So many significant periods of my life were invested in creating characters and learning from them. I think I wear every single one of them,” she says.

“The first movie was kind of messily put together but that’s what I like about it. You watch it and it feels like it’s barely coming together, but that there is so much passion behind it. That’s a compliment to [director] Catherine Hardwicke. We didn’t know those movies were going to be such a big deal. It’s weird to look back now and to remember how much endurance it took to work on the same thing for such a long period of time, over five movies. I learned a lot.”

Fast forward 16 years, and Kristen is poised to appear in Love Me and Love Lies Bleeding, two films that are released in the coming months. “‘I’m obsessed with love right now!” she laughs.

“Love Me is very different. I would say that it’s a movie like no other. It’s about relationships, connections and the whole online experience of that now. It’s a vague, scary and haunting view of a future in which we are not here anymore physically but our essence, our spirits still sort of linger on,” she explains.

Starring opposite The Walking Dead alum, Stephen Yeun, Kristen plays multiple characters, though she doesn’t see it that way. “I think we contain multitudes of ourselves. Both Stephen and myself get to play multiple versions of ourselves. I feel like I pretty much got to play every version of myself actually,” she says.

Whether it’s one character or seven that Kristen is stepping into the shoes of, the American actress has her routine down to a fine art — though confidence still doesn’t come easy.

“It depends if there are things that I need to learn, if there’s an accent or a lot of information I need to know well in advance. But no amount of prep alleviates any fear that I am not going to deliver. It’s always, ‘I wonder if I am going to get lucky enough today to have this experience that I hope happens on camera, but might not’,” she says.

“But the most I have ever learned on a movie, or felt the most challenged by as an actor, has definitely not happened yet. That’s part of the fun of it.”

Love Lies Bleeding, an A24 film by director Rose Glass, is a romantic thriller about a gym owner who falls in love with a bodybuilder, and soon gets pulled into a twisted criminal web. The pull for Kristen was Rose’s intention to “tell stories about strong women,” she admits.

“This was before I had even seen a script. All I knew was that I would be playing an initially weak woman opposite a very strong woman, literally strong in this case, and how they are willing to justify any bad behaviour because they are in love. We talked about it and I immediately loved the idea of Lou as a character.”

There’s a lot of physicality in the movie, whether that’s in the form of harsh workouts or steamy sex scenes. Kristen and her costar, Katy O’Brien had an “incredible” time working together, despite filming being anything but easy.

“We had so much fun… and I have to admit, it was the coolest feeling to have her throw me over her shoulder. Katy and I worked a lot on that aspect of our characters. Right from the audition process, we just hit it off and were able to help each other through some pretty challenging and also dark scenes,” she says.

The film might be an intense viewing experience, but there was still a levity on set, thanks to that collaboration and encouragement from the top down. “It was a lot of fun and freeing actually. Rose described the endeavour as bombastic and it really was and more. The script was amazing but we were encouraged to try different things and kind of play with it. It was a really inspiring way to work and that really all started with Rose and how she works with everyone on set,” she says.

It helps to have roles that are well-handled, and projects that feel fun, but booking them at all is something the 34-yearold is grateful for. “I feel fulfilled. I feel lucky to have been working since I was nine years old and to still be here now with the opportunity to tell stories. I don’t know what else I could do. Acting is my whole life,” she says.

You’d think after so many years on screen, Kristen would enjoy seeing her hard work unfold. But it’s quite the opposite. “No, it’s horrible! The first time I see something I’m in, I know that I won’t be able to watch without being super critical. I’m always thinking about the millions of things I could have done more or different. Just the thought of watching myself on screen fills me with terror,” she admits with a laugh.

But getting over that fear is something she wishes she had internalised sooner. “The best advice I could have given myself is to just completely let go and start trusting yourself,” she says.

“Don’t be afraid to make mistakes and don’t think about it too much. Throw yourself into it, mind and body.”