Maximus Mimicus!
Betrayed by beastly Romans. Check. Forced to be a gladiator. Check. All that’s missing from Pompeii is Russell ‘Maximus’ Crowe... and a decent script
Remember old Maximus Decimus from Ridley Scott’s Gladiator? Well, you certainly will after about 20 minutes of Paul WS Anderson’s
Pompeii, a film in which the central story so strongly resembles that of its multiple Oscar-winning predecessor that it’s surprising you can’t hear Mount Vesuvius rumbling in creative dismay.
Maximus, you will recall, was the Roman general whose family was murdered on the orders of the wickedly scheming son of the Emperor and who duly became a gladiator, hell-bent on revenge. In Pompeii, Milo is a humble Celtic horseman… whose family is murdered by a wickedly scheming Roman senator and who duly becomes a gladiator, hell-bent on revenge.
The only real difference is that while Maximus headed for Rome for his big showdown, poor old Milo – sensibly he fights as ‘The Celt’, which sounds a lot butcher – arrives for his in Pompeii, a few days before Vesuvius famously blew its top in AD79.
The combination of this very obvious similarity with the fact that the destruction of Pompeii is such well-trawled territory (half a dozen feature films, assorted TV dramas and even Doctor Who has had a go fairly recently) predictably ensures that the new film gets off to a distinctly lacklustre start.
Younger cinema-goers may find themselves wondering whether Kit Harington, who plays Jon Snow in Game Of Thrones, is quite up to the job of leading a big feature film – he’s certainly no Russell Crowe.
As for their elders, they’ll sit there chuckling at the sheer silliness of the camp Roman dialogue – ‘ you drag me from a perfectly adequate brothel for this’ – and noting the undeniable resemblance between the film’s young Australian female star, Emily Browning, and the beautiful Madeleine Smith who played the aptly named Erotica in Frankie Howerd’s Up Pompeii in the Seventies.
Browning’s character is simply known as Cassia, daughter of the local nobleman (and property developer) Severus, played by Jared Harris. Milo catches her eye – who wouldn’t swoon in the presence of a muscular slave who can break the neck of an injured horse with one hand? – and she catches his. But their relationship seems doomed, doubly so once the wicked Roman senator Corvus – conveniently the very one who killed Milo’s family – arrives in town to discuss the financing of Severus’s property scheme and rather likes the idea of pretty Cassia being thrown in as part of the deal.
At this point all Milo has to do is survive the gladiatorial arena, avenge his family, save the girl and, of course, escape the eruption that is about to engulf Pompeii. Goodness, you can’t say it’s not a tough ask. To my total surprise, somewhere along the line – perhaps around the moment Milo runs off with Cassia on horseback – Pompeii starts to become rather good fun. There’s no doubt that part of the appeal falls into the so-bad-it’s-quitegood category. There’s the cod-Roman dialogue – ‘Juno’s t*t!’ exclaims Severus, as Cassia returns from a stay in Rome, ‘is that all your luggage?’ – as well as Kiefer Sutherland’s over-the-top turn as the decadent but menacing Corvus. And then there are the visual effects.
In this age of computer wizardry, it’s become commonplace to describe visual effects as ‘state of the art’ but here, rather endearingly, they are definitely not.
I’m no expert but they look like a mix of miniature work (where whole landscapes and townscapes are built in miniature and then enhanced by some digital cleverness). However they’ve been created, the overall effect is somewhat rickety but, crucially, also entirely in keeping with much-loved epic adventure films of old. I found myself thinking that the late Ray Harryhausen, the genius responsible for visual effects on Jason And The
Argonauts, would have approved of at least some of what he saw here. Almost accidentally, Anderson, a director best known for the Resident Evil films, seems to have captured a bit of old-fashioned,
‘A scene shared by Harris and Sutherland makes you wonder how their fathers might have played it’
film-making magic. Just a shame it’s reported to have cost a very modern $100m.
It would be wrong to say Pompeii can only be enjoyed with tongue in cheek: there is some quality on show too. Harington, after a lowkey opening, grows attractively into his role and strikes up a decent screen chemistry with Browning, who makes for a winning, thighflashing Roman maiden.
The gladiatorial duels are excellent; a scene shared by Harris and Sutherland makes you wonder how their distinguished fathers – Richard Harris and Donald Sutherland – might have played it; while Anderson skilfully builds the momentum and serves up a splendidly silly climax. Chariots, tidal waves, earthquakes and, of course, an eruption.
If people still went to the cinema on Saturday mornings, this would definitely be their idea of fun.