The Irish Mail on Sunday

SMOKES& DAGGERS

Inside the corridors of power...

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PEOPLE Before Profit excitedly announced its new campaign song by Derry musician Paddy Nash this week. It lashes out at the ban on gay marriage: ‘Weddings, weddings, everywhere... as long as you’re not gay.’ But it sounded familiar to Smokes, who remembered the party 2011 election song: exact same air and the lyrics ‘Water, water, everywhere... but now they’re going to make us pay.’ Time to play a new tune lads! THE deluge of toothy election posters is enough for anyone but spare a thought for the canvassers. A brother of FG candidate Aileen Eglington in Dún Laoghaoire-Rathdown, whose jeep has been resprayed with Sis’s smiling image, has taken to turning her leaflets face down. She said: ‘I’m looking up at him from the leaflets, down at him from poles and now I’m looking in at him from the car window. He told me, “At this rate, it’s very different type of counsellor I’ll be needing after May 23’. FIANNA Fáil’s Niall Collins had to resort to pedal power to get to RTÉ’s Six One last Wednesday. The justice spokesman emerged from Leinster House to the sight of gridlock as fans tried to get to the Liverpool-Shamrock Rovers game at the Aviva. Realising his car would be useless, Collins began to run up Baggot Street when he spied a cycle rickshaw and jumped in. The pedicab got Collins to his appointmen­t with Dobbo and Sharon in time. Don’t be surprised if rickshaws form a key element of Fianna Fail’s next transport strategy. AS a public service, Smokes offers his handy English For Students guide. Il mio collegio e insolvente/kaput/pochan zhe – Holy s***! Sono desituito/indigente/pinkun – Any

spare change, Bud?

Aidez-moi! Hilfe! Jiu jiu wo! – Can you direct me to the Department of Justice? ENDA KENNY’S constant hand gestures have now received their own tribute Tumblr called ‘Enda Likes Pointing’. Smokes perused the site and chuckled at the caption on one picture of the Taoiseach pointing with two fingers on the one hand: ‘Bang bang, you’re dead!’

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