I would never judge anyone feeling suicidal
Author Marian Keyes’ moving insight into the primal fear of depression
BESTSELLING author Marian Keyes has described her experience of depression as being ‘ locked in a car boot with a Rottweiler’.
She also revealed that she would never judge anybody who was feeling suicidal.
Speaking on RTÉ Radio 1 yesterday, Ms Keyes revealed she was still suffering with depression while writing her latest novel, The Woman Who Stole My Life, but that activities such as baking helped her to cope. But she said she had stopped baking now because it reminded her too much of the dark days. Ms Keyes told Marian Finucane she doesn’t relate to the typical image of a depressed person who feels lonely and sad. ‘I basically had five bad years. For many days I couldn’t write, it was impossible, as anyone who’s had depression will know it does almost literally paralyse you,’ she said. ‘It was extreme primal fear. I can’t put it better than that. It was like being locked in a car boot with a Rottweiler – that’s the fear I felt. I always thought of myself fondly as a melancholic person who was in touch with the dark side.
‘I hadn’t a clue! When this hit me it was very different. I look back and think what did I do wrong? Because as far as I was concerned I tried very hard to stay well in my head.
‘Depression is an illness and if I told you I had cancer, you wouldn’t say “what brought it on?”’
The Limerick woman, who has sold 26 million books, added that thinking about what others would feel about her suicide would not help: ‘If you’re suicidal, it’s impossible to feel empathy for anybody else. I would never judge somebody who can’t bear living.’
The 51-year-old said that Twitter, baking, television and writing her latest book helped get her through some very dark times.
‘I literally baked round the clock. When I woke in the night in the horrors and couldn’t get back to sleep I’d bake,’ she said.
‘About two and a half or three years ago I went on Twitter and that has been the loveliest thing. I love it. You meet the nicest people,’ she added.
Finucane pointed out that you also meet some of the most horrible people on social media.
‘You do meet the horriblest people too, but mostly I’ve learned the value of the block button. I found that a real lifeline because you do hear so many awful things about bullying on social media. [Twitter’s] like having thousands of friends without having to leave the house, it’s like going to a party.’