Man who wed us was from Game of Thrones
Civil marriages boom inspires alternative-wedding specialist f irm
CHANGES in civil marriage laws in recent years have ushered in a whole new approach to how couples tie the knot.
Though the laws have been relaxed, arranging an alternative wedding is not straightforward. It’s a problem that Marry Me Ireland founder Lorraine Mancey O’Brien became aware of when her long-term partner proposed two years ago.
The couple wanted the wedding to reflect their personalities and tastes. While finding a venue was straightforward, they found it ‘incredibly difficult to find information’.
Mrs Mancey O’Brien, 45, is an anthropologist and university lecturer in UCD and so took a logical approach to the problem.
‘We wrote a list of everything we didn’t want. We didn’t want a cake, we didn’t want a seating plan, a first dance or a church ceremony. We didn’t want to stand on ceremony, we wanted it to be relaxed, fun and joyous to reflect ourselves.’
Before October 2007, those who wanted a non-church wedding were obliged to exchange vows in impersonal marriage register offices.
Since then, civil marriages – and since 2010 civil partnerships – are permitted in a wide variety of ‘fixed structures’ from a hotel to a school hall.
Mrs Mancey O’Brien says finding a celebrant for her unique ceremony proved one of the more difficult tasks. ‘We looked for somebody to do the ceremony as we were going to be married in a registry office. Anyway we couldn’t find anybody suitable, as we wanted someone young and vibrant that would give me both irreverence and reverence – and I wanted humour.
‘I asked an actor friend of mine, Neil Fleming, who had been an extra in Game of Thrones, and he said, “I’ll come along, if you like, in my costume.” So he did.
It was in the most beautiful valley in Wicklow, outside with a pagoda with all the trees behind us and all our guests. It was absolutely joyous. It also involved our daughter, which was great as she is an integral part of our relationship and other ceremonies just don’t do that.’
The wedding was a big hit with the couple’s friends and led to enquiries as to how they planned it.
‘I teach equality. My husband and I wanted to start a business together and wanted it to be equality based,’ says Mrs Mancey O’Brien.
‘We just had this seed of an idea which was, well if we couldn’t find people to do our wedding, there must be other people looking for the same thing. So we created the business from that idea.’
According to CSO figures for 2013, of a total of 20,680 marriages were of the civil kind. Traditional Roman Catholic weddings accounted for 62.5%, or almost 13,000 of marriages in 2013.
By comparison, 20 years ago there were just 850 civil marriages in Ireland.
Marry Me Ireland helps people who don’t want to have a traditional religious church ceremony – and business is booming.
‘We started planning the business at the beginning of the year and we launched officially at Gay Pride in June,’ she says.
‘When I say we launched, we just went around giving people flyers and information about the fact that we believe that marriage equality is integral.
'It is part of the Constitution that everyone is treated the same, and that we would do weddings for people when the referendum goes through next year.
‘We are only five months up and running and we’re really busy,’ she says. ‘There are hundreds of places [you can get married] that we’re finding all of the time. For example we had a couple email us saying they were on a beach in Kerry and their imagination ran riot thinking how beautiful it would be.
Marry Me Ireland sources and supplies all the extras and furniture required.
‘It’s done in different countries all the time but until recently it was never done here.’
The couple also run training courses in how to conduct these services with their sister company, the Irish Institute of Celebrants.
The course was designed by anthropologists, a physiologist and others working in equality studies in UCD and Maynooth. ‘We’re booked up until the end of January,’ says Mrs Mancey O’Brien.
The couple plan to launch a charitable strand to the business, too.
‘We’re going to give 5% of all our weddings and training funds to put on free weddings for people affected by terminal illness. We are lucky enough to be doing these very joyous occasions, and want to give back some of that joy.’