Let’s raise a glass to Big Phil’s monumental folly

AFITTING commemoration for Big Phil Hogan’s monumental fiasco in Irish Water would be a surrealist sculpture of Captain Ahab harpooning Moby Dick titled ‘A Fool and his Folly’. Or it could be public art on a heroic scale, something like artist Paul Cummins’s ceramic poppies that attracted millions of visitors to London earlier this month.

Either would be a ‘lest we forget’ reminder of the biggest political debacle perpetrated on Irish taxpayers by a minister and his government in recent memory.

But whatever we choose, it needs to be something to symbolise the public’s growing distrust of the major political parties.

How about this? Five-hundred thousand Irish homes already have their own water meter nestling in an unobtrusive indent on a lawn, ideal to cradle a vase of flowers: maybe water lilies?

On a designated day, families could place a bouquet beside the water meter and raise a glass to Big Phil’s monumental folly.

Looking back from the centenary of the 1916 Rising in 17 months, the Irish Water debacle will be the defining memory of this Fine GaelLabour Party coalition.

BUT whoever is in the ministerial enclosure at the GPO in Dublin come Easter 2016, it will not be the current Fine GaelLabour regime. Government ministers are optimists buoyed up by advisers well paid to keep them upbeat, and both are monitoring public reaction to their latest plan for Irish Water.

They hope that voters will forgive them now we have the lowest water costs in Europe after the Government’s climbdown and an admission that it made ‘mistakes’.

But its admission of ‘ mistakes’ was an act of contrition short of a convincing apology – and where was the firm purpose of amendment not to repeat their ignorance, arrogance and incompetence? Alan Kelly’s new version of water charges was received with uniform approval from the same ministers who cheered in unison for Big Phil’s old model.

They were just as convincing as their blanket denial of cronyism after the McNulty Seanad nomination and appointments to the board of Irish Water a few months ago. And the collective ‘we made mistakes’ appears to be as genuine as their uniting in praise for justice minister Alan Shatter just before he resigned back in May.

The Government is gravely damaged and ministers will be scrutinising opinion poll ratings while clinging to the wreckage of the coalition. The first chink in the coalition’s ring of steel defending Phil Hogan came in a pointed jibe on Thursday from his successor at Irish Water, Alan Kelly.

It was just 10 words – ‘I suppose I feel that he (Phil Hogan) could have done better’ – but that short sentence reflects the strain and pain of the Labour Party standing by their man.

Long before the next election, the Labour Party will point accusing fingers at the EU Agriculture Commissioner as tales of his foolishness, indolence and worse are leaked.

If the partnership ends in bad-tempered name-calling, take comfort: the European Commission has been awarded custody of Big Phil.

Leaving him in Brussels and getting the Troika back to run this country would be a fair swap.