SHEER SHOW-OFFS!

Look at us! We’re the celebs who just adore the latest diaphanous designs... and now our fans can see what’s under our frocks (or can they see right through us?)

OH THAT the murky worlds of politics and finance were so transparent. On both the catwalk and the red carpet, see-through clothing is a trend that simply will not go away – a bit like tax avoidance. Year in, year out, sheer garments are sent down the catwalk, and in 2015 they’re more popular than ever.

At recent fashion shows, Balenciaga sent out a skirt made from what appeared to be camouflage netting dyed violet. H by Hakaan Yildirim had transparent trousers (why?) and there was a lot of broderie anglaise, which has as many holes as a politician’s election promises.

The best use of sheer was seen at a Topshop Unique show, although even M&S had blouses featuring a transparent yoke.

Designers adore sheer: it keeps jaded editors awake in the front row of shows. But why do so many celebrities wear it? At every award show this year, it’s been nipple city. I think it’s to show off their over-aerobicised bodies in a way that won’t get them banned from family newspapers. It’s like watching Fifty Shades through pond water.

So how should non-exhibitionist, cellulite-possessing women keep up with the trend this spring? Avoid black, it’s ageing – white, pink or baby blue are fresher. Wear the merest sliver, a transparent stripe at the hem of a skirt is forgiving, but exposed nipples are for the bedroom.

There was a time when wearing something see-through was a faux pas. Now, it’s de rigueur. Women are no longer veiled in mystery, they merely wear veils. There is nothing to fear but sheer itself. Just wear knickers… and a vest.