Smart option for the urban couple

...he’d probably be a Smart car. So is this new model the sexiest runaround on wheels – or just an overgrown tuk-tuk? Over to you, Mrs Evans

You know the phrase, ‘If only I knew then what I know now.’ Well, I think it’s about to happen. Allow me to explain. On April 27 Blur will release their first album of new material since 2003, The Magic Whip.

The new album only came into being at all because the band were booked for a gig in Hong Kong that was cancelled at the last minute, but the band had already arrived. ‘ What shall we do now?’ asked B. ‘Ooh, I’m not sure,’ replied L. ‘How about we...’ proffered U. ‘Don’t tell me, I know, let’s see if we’re still any good,’ enthused R.

And thus fate decreed that Blur should get back together, and so it came to pass. Enough songs for an album. And here we sit on the eve of one of the most exciting releases of the past 15 years.

Alex James, Blur’s bassist, came on my radio show to talk about all of the above and was so animated I cannot tell you. I have never heard him come as close to being as excited as he was talking about the antics surrounding this new Britpop offering.

And here’s the thing. I know why. We almost 50-somethings have been through the mill. We were our generation’s bright young things, so bright we ended up burning out, but now many of us are in a very similar headspace to where we started. We are just as excited and energised as we were a quarter of a century ago – but we know that this time we don’t need to go mad in the process. How exciting is this? Still to come: Part Two! It’s been one hell of a half-time team talk, but boy are we ready for the next ten years – at the very least.

And so how do I explain all this to my wife? When her husband becomes more unbearable than ever. Seriously, I feel like I’m about to explode at any moment. I’ve never felt such brio.

‘Darling, can we sit down please? Just for a few moments – there’s something I really need to talk to you about.’ That was my opening gambit on Tuesday evening.

‘Oh, I know. I’m sorry but I haven’t had time to write down my thoughts,’ she threw back immediately. ‘Eh?’ ‘The car. You said this one was down to me after I took it on day one and kept it thereafter.’

Obviously this was not what I wanted the sit-down for, but how could I change the subject when she obviously felt so responsible for this week’s review? Here’s how it went – ish: ‘OH MY GOD!’ ‘THIS CAR IS A-MAZING!’ ‘It’s so cool and so fast and the turning circle is unbelievable.’ And what else? Well it’s obvious the car is becoming a design classic. Smart cars have been around now for over 15 years and they are getting sexier with every evolution while maintaining their original basic shape. The Beetle of its day? A lofty thought, but one never knows. There is certainly no other car on the road like it. There’s the club that she belongs to for sure – the Fiat 500, the Citroen DS, the Mini – and they all have their unique claims to fame. But this new Smart remains in a class of her own. A class that unfortunately also includes only two seats and very little luggage space. That’s when it starts to get a wee bit silly – or rather, it’s silly of us to think that’s what this car might be about in the first place.

‘I did also feel a bit invisible,’ added the Memsahib. ‘Like a motorbike, or one of those lethal tuk-tuk rickshaw bikes with other drivers often failing to register or acknowledge my existence.’

All of what my wife says is, of course, true. And as she’s such a reluctant judge, her opinions are all the more sincere for it.

I drove the Smart for a full 48 hours after her test and I can’t say I disagreed with anything she said. Apart from the fact that I didn’t always enjoy being in the car. No particular reason why. The seats are massively comfy, the car is quick, stable and economical, visibility is excellent and the sunroof is more of a skyscape, it’s so vast. I didn’t feel anywhere near as buffeted about and vulnerable on the motorway at 70mph as I thought I would. And I loved the speedo, which looks like a scale model of the Hollywood Bowl, perfectly framed in the top arc of the steering wheel.

But things kept on niggling me, and the point is I let them, which is usually an underlying sign that a vehicle’s not for me. The digital radio had far better graphics than reception. The temperature control, which is made to look like an old-style AM/FM radio, is novel and rather cute but difficult to read as a consequence (form must never usurp function unless it’s outrageously unapologetic and totally gratuitous – those are the rules).

The gearbox is nowhere near as sporty as its gearstick’s leather jacket suggests. The car’s general momentum was one of those full-on or completely off affairs, not quite kangaroo but definitely thrifty London cab driver.

And my biggest gripe of all was what to do with my clutch foot when it wasn’t clutching – there was nowhere for it to go, so I had to lift my toes permanently off the floor like half of a stuck drawbridge. This really hurt after a while.

But regardless of what I think, this feisty little number is enjoying the first flushes of sustained fame and success – obviously, judging by how many admirers I suddenly started noticing.

My wife liked it, and I liked the fact

IS IT THE BEETLE OF ITS DAY? A LOFTY THOUGHT, BUT ONE NEVER KNOWS...

that my wife liked it. Which encourages me to go as far as to say, if it was just the two of us, I would place a small wager on there being a Smart sitting in the drive of this media couple’s city pied-à-terre. As it is, we have three children, a grandchild and a Battle Bus For The Burbs. Now there’s an album title if ever I heard one.